A Good ID Is A Good Idea

Saw that quote when I was with my brother, cousin, and friend in 711 yesterday. Then I was suddenly inspired to write stuffs that have been in my mind for a while.

Having your own identity. To be inspired and wanting to copy are two very different things. The difference is significant. To be inspired is seeing something, got something out of it, make another thing from it, but totally make it your own. To copy is just basically taking something from someone and not have your own signature on it.

And I just kept hearing people telling me that there are some people who tried to write the way I write, or just use words that I use on my blog. I don't mind really, 'cause I'm like, "Oh, okay, recognition, that's good right." But what's bothering me is that it's starting to feel like my identity is being rubbed off of me. I mean, really, people, my blogs are not something that I give much thought about, they're just words that I express whenever my mind is not capable of keeping things inside anymore, this is my only outlet.

A few days ago someone asked me permission to copy my post and put it to hers. Well, it's not the first time this person who asked me permission was caught in action. I even have print screens of her copying the exact same Tweets of mine. Not even some fancy quotes or statements, just ordinary Tweets. Now that's kinda out of the line. She promised that if I gave her the permission to copy my blog, she'll give full credit to me, but it' not about the credit, it's far more than that. She said, "May I put your Last Post post on my blog? I swear I'll give you a proper credit." Well, that's kind of a relief. She informally admits that she has been copying and not giving me full credit. I personally don't think it's a big deal so I let her. However, what my friend said to me about me letting her copy my blog make me stop and think. "You can say yes and see if she's going to keep her words when she said she's going to give you full credit. Or you should say no because what you wrote was personal. You know what, don't give her the permit. She's pathetic. This comes from the heart, not a thing you'd like to replicate. That's my input though, you should decide yourself in the end."

I gave her the permit not because I want to test her or anything, it's because I feel it's fine if she could relate to what I talk about, I don't mind. But it's also true that what I wrote was personal, so how could you feel the exact same feelings that I went through, or say the same things that I say. The human mind is broad. Two people can watch the same movie and come up with different conclusions. I asked my friend if I'm mean for letting this all out. (Sometimes I wish I'm not always this considerate, 'cause sometimes when I don't say what I truly feel, I'm the only one who's hurt and I'm the only person to blame.) "Don't think you're being mean because I don't even understand why you don't have the will to tell who this person is. I mean, hello, get your own identity, please." I don't like bringing people down, that's just not me. So, take this as a compliment that I don't reveal your true identity. (Okay, it's not Batman or Superman, really, don't try to find out :p) I mean, thanks for liking my blog and all, that's flattering, but the way I write should be something that shows my identity, so if you could please make something your own, that'll be great.



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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New Place :)

New place, new beginning, new hope!




No, I didn't just get married and move to a new house. Well, move to the new house part is right, but not the marriage part. Oh, I moved to an apartment, so technically it's not really a house, but yeah, I moved. Haha! Forgive me for being annoying :p

This is my can't-recall-how-many time(s) I've moved. I'm getting used to it actually. And I plan to not move around just the city alone, but actually to other countries. Jet-setting all the time. Sure we would all love that, right ;)
Yea, right...


Everything's still all over the place, and I don't even know where to start. Man, it happens to me all the time. I started off with sorting out the things I use most, then the things that I would probably use in the near future. Then everything else is still-- messed up. It takes progress I think. I need a hand, though. If you want to, feel free to help out with placing things out :)

And now, everything still seem uncertain. Been so worried and stressed out about everything lately. Why is it so hard to convince myself that everything will be okay? Guess I like things too well planned, that I don't expect life to be a surprise. I was admonished by my brother for worrying so much. "You wrote on your blog to keep the faith yet you yourself make it as if you don't have any faith."

"Crap," I thought. I hate it when my own words hit myself in the head.

But life; life itself should be a surprise. None of it should work, so that the thing that we don't expect (and sometimes that we don't like) would happen for us, and in the long run you would realize that it was the thing you need all along.

Yes, I know, God never gives us what we want, He teaches us by giving us what we need. So, I'm not going to act like a little brat who's such a 'Know-It-All', as if I know what's best for me, and as if God is not doing a good job, but rather just let everything go and fall into the right places. Yeah... To the right; and its beautiful place.



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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To My Sweetest Dejavu


Hey,

I'm not in a good mood right now, but seeing your pictures helps. And I just had a dream about you last night. Yet, again. I don't mind seeing you in my dreams, but since I haven't met you in a while, it's hard to tell which is real. It's hard to tell which is real these days. I know you wouldn't be reading this anyway, so let's just imagine for a while as if you would.


It's like I've been to the place where we met. That shy smile. That smile of slight timidity that I like about you. I don't know how to describe how I feel about you, because no matter how often you feel those butterflies on your stomach, it feels different every time.

If only I could tell you what I've said to you in my dreams, maybe things would be different now. So let's pretend. I'll pretend.



"Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Will you get them if I did?
When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part..."

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I'm Different-- Deal With It

You might not get what I'm saying in my blog. But blogging give me a sense of calmness that I don't get when I talk to people. This is one of the ways I could understand myself. Call it talking to myself, or I'm losing my head, but this is more like listening to myself rather than talking to myself.

I'm complex, I don't expect people to understand or love me. Blogging gives freedom, and maybe that is exactly what I needed all along. When I'm down, I don't look forward to talk to anyone, I look forward to just sit down, relax my mind and blog.

I have my own 'system' of doing everything that is different from anybody else. How I protect my friends, how I show someone that I love 'em, or how I show people how I truly feel about things.

And one more thing, don't expect me to be perfect, because I never will be.

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All the effort you're making will ultimately pay off.


KEEP THE FAITH

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Friends... Forever?

People say it's sad to see those loved ones change. Me, personally, I don't believe in change. I just believe in two possibilities. First possibility, they grew up, and growing up is something we cannot prevent from happening. As time flies, it will happen anyway. Second possibility, they found out who their true selves are. And sometimes we just can't accept and not okay with it that we decide to erase them from our lives, or they slowly grow apart from us.
I experienced it firsthand-- and I've experienced it a few times. Quite a few that I learned a lot from every thing that had happened. I don't find it unfortunate since I know that every bit of my life was planned well before I even existed in this world.

But sometimes you miss those people, because no matter how much you convince yourself that they would never go back the way they used to, sometimes you still wish it would happen. Like my best friend, or former best friend to be exact. We used to have tons of fun together. We rarely argue, and we can talk about every thing and anything because I trusted her. Always fun to be around, 'this-friendship-would-last-forever' scenario. But she found her true self that I don't like. She started becoming reckless, kind of insecure I suppose. Money became her priority and was blinded by the lights. I guess it's true how Oprah once said, "If you come to fame not knowing who you are, it will define you."

Is it really worth all the fame? Would you really give up everything to become famous? I guess it depends on each person's opinion. In my opinion, you can still become famous by staying on the right track. I mean, not to brag or anything, but for instance, I was once offered to become the lead role of a horror movie in Indonesia, and you know how movies in Indonesia are (and I'm saying this in the least cocky way possible), sometimes it's how you want to be remembered as, what do you think is more important? Quality, or quantity (note: referring to money)? I was told numerous times to do soap operas, but deep down, my guts said to me, it's not my thing actually. A good friend of mine, who happens to be a casting director, once said to me, "It's easy to make money in Indonesia, if you have a pretty face, go become a soap opera star, that's real good money. But if you want to be remembered as a better actress, do movies that will only appear in the cinema, but be selective about what you want to do, just think of it this way, "What do you want to be remembered as? A money-making actress, or a true actress with talent?"" And that has been the only thing that kept me going ever since. Quality, or quantity is the real question.

On a much lighter note, I want to show you someone I'm really proud to call my friend, Sonia Eryka. She was recently featured in Swedish biggest fashion magazine, Sofie Mode. No surprise why she was featured actually, she has amazing sense of style, she owns a boutique, sings, and still have time to write blogs as well! True wonderwoman ;) And she is someone who'll reply your Tweets, and still listen to you when you talk about anything to her ;) Find her on her YouTube, Twitter, MySpace, and not to forget, Online Boutique! Find out what makes her tick on her blog too!


Bottom line, everyone have best friends ('cause if you don't, you must be living in some lonely, sad, and crazy world), it's just a matter of time whether you'll realize if they're going to be a part of you forever, or in a nick of time.



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Secret Admirer ;)

I'm not going to say I'm in love, but I'm going to admit that I'm getting close to that zone, very close. Slowly approaching. And I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it, but yeah, I'm trying to get used to it again, because it's been a while since I've had all this darn butterflies flying around my stomach. And to get it from someone you last met a year ago, that's pretty darn stupid.


But he's different. I like the fact that he's different. I like the fact that although he's been living all his life in a country that doesn't set boundaries like here in Indonesia, he clearly sets his standard straight. He doesn't smoke, although he has an older brother-- that I can see he's very close to, and smoke and do all this things I would think are a common thing for people who are used to the Western culture, yet he's a totally different person. His brother is a ladiesman, and he, however, is not.

So we were introduced by our Moms, who are friends, and they would always meet whenever his Mom is in town, yet he doesn't talk much whenever our Moms are around (oh my, I'm smiling again, I'm smiling :D), but that's the cute thing that I love most, you can definitely tell that he is not used to talking to girls and all that, which can be a very good thing, a very good thing indeed :p

And at his age-- this is the thing I love about him! He has never been in a relationship. Oh how it'd be such a fairytale to have him know that I secretly adore him ;)

...although my Mom would be happier since she would be able to meet her friend more often. Yet it won't be fun at all for me to go on dates with him with our Moms hanging around, ha!



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Last Post :')

This is the last post I'll dedicate to you.
To show you how much I miss you,
& wish we could have ended up better
than where we are now.
I won't regret the things that I did with you,
or things I did for you.
It was all worth it. It was all worth a shot.
You have no idea how much I would want to give up
to be with you,
but I guess it was all just a fairytale to have it come true.
I'm not suppose to miss you, but I really, really do.
I know being your best friend would remain longer
than being any of your girlfriend,
so if this is what it takes to see you forever,
then I don't mind.
They say people hold on to the things that they believe in,
but now that every thing's a blur,
I am not going to force things to happen anymore.
I'm happy as long as you're happy
:)




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I Don't Trust Myself

I am (somewhat happy to admit that I'm) used to living alone. The independence, the freedom. I'm beginning to get used to that. Living away from home make me realize how I found pleasure in trusting my own capabilities. I mean, it's not that I hate my family or anything, but I'm beginning to sense that maybe I'm actually ready to take this real world on my own.

I'm not adventurous, I don't like life to be a spontaneity, in fact I love every thing well planned and boring. But this is a challenge for me. I like the thought of chasing my own dream and have no one but God beside me. You might think I'm stupid, but for the past 18 years I wouldn't even have the courage to think about my future when I don't have an even Greater Power to lean on-- which I'm very lucky to have :)



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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And Perfect Is Just Another Opinion...

It's tough to describe what perfect means. Since none of us can really experience the meaning of this word, maybe all we have to do is let the word be. Today is Mom's 48th birthday, and trust me-- she's anything but perfect.

I wish I'm the kind of girl who can say that my Mom is my rock or I can talk each and every thing to. Or she's the kind of person you look up to, or you can just call 'my best friend.' But I can't. I'm not that type of person. I'm not the closest person to her, even though I'm the smallest of two, and only daughter, honestly I don't trust her as much.

It's not that we have something between us, we just never get along that well. I mean, of course we communicate and I respect her, and we love each other and all, we just don't make each other priorities, not like my brother who's so much closer to me than I am to my Mother.

When I was still in her womb, she had a thought of 'not having me.' She even told the doctor about it, and thank God the doctor had some common sense and insisted her to keep me. And to be honest, I was scarred by that thought; by what my Mom had in mind. And I love my Dad for telling her that he wants to keep me.

I'm jealous of how people wherever, in real life or on TV keep saying "My Mom made my dreams possible because she's been through every obstacle with me," when slowly and surely my Mom discourage on what I want in life, and even who I want to be a part of in someone else's life-- meaning guys. That's why I don't really give her much info on which guys I'm close to or whatever.

But I've learned to forgive and even move on from that dark phase of my life, I'm glad to say that I'm in a good place with her now. All those only by His abundant grace :)



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Meet You There

I dreamt about waking up to the view of the Eiffel Tower,
And have a hearty breakfast next to the Pyramid,
Take a dive underneath the sun in the Great Barrier Reef,
Run like there is no end in the Great Wall of China,
Enjoy evening strolls in the streets of Venice,
Hear the sound of beautiful waves while relaxing in the Maldives,
Have a memorable rooftop dining on one of New York's building.

But the pleasure behind all that is having that one person to share it with you. What is there to enjoy in this world, when you don't have that one person that means the world to you?

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Stripped Down To The Core

Hello. I'm probably either a genius or an idiot for writing this blog. So, I'm going to tell you what is there you need to know about me. This post beats any ''About Me" sections on any of my profile, on any accounts I have anywhere.

The most basic thing that people don't probably know is that my parents have separated and divorced. They separated when I was 6 and officially divorced on the 15th of July 2005, a day before my 13th birthday, which made me hate birthdays that much more. If you know that about me, then consider yourself someone I count on and trust, because although I don't mind talking about it, I do choose who I want to talk it to and who I'd rather not talk about it to.

And ever since I was 16, I helped my Mom with the bills and stuffs by tutoring, and it's not a pretty bad job although it was shocking for me at first, but then I got used to it. I thought by what happened to my family, I have had to give up all my dreams. I know I have the chance to continue what I love doing in university, but I've decided to take a bold chance (or plain dumb risk) to do something for the sake of my family. Because when you love someone, you have to think of their needs first before yours. And now that God has started to open doors for me, I really am thankful for every thing that happened, 'cause now, clearly, I can see that every thing happens for a reason. A beautiful reason indeed.


P.S: By writing these, I don't mean to ask for your sympathy, or compliments. I do all of it with nothing else but by the grace of God :)



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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In A Blink Of An Eye

I know I haven't blog since forever and so I hope this can pay my blogging debts. Well, maybe some of it ;p So let's get straight to the point, for some of you that didn't know, I recently became the Brand Ambassador slash Female Presenter for Mercedes Benz Indonesia, pretty tough job, I have to say, since the name itself intimidates me! I also found out that Luna Maya started her career being one as well! Oh, if you're wondering how I got the gig, well let me explain you a little bit about it :)

I did an interview in its head office, first time I went in was just a regular interview and the second call I received, they told me that they want me to do a presentation. I didn't hope much since I thought, "Well, they know that I'm 17 (I was still 17 when I did the interview), they must've not taken me seriously." But long story short, I got the job (whoooo hoooo! Thank God for that :D), so basically all you do is go to events and parties, not a bad job indeed. My first (real) event was the International Motor Show.

So, the event is pretty big, I saw billboards and huge ads on magazines for the event so it made me kinda nervous. I got trained for a couple of days to know about the brand, about the cars, et cetera. Mercedes prepared every thing from scratch, make-up and hairdo, uniforms (or so called costumes), and also killer heels-- they literally kill your blood veins, seriously!!!

Basically, I just have to present the car which is shown in the exhibition every 1 hour, and there's 5 cars in the exhibition, I work 5 hours per shift, 5 Brand Ambassadors per shift, so I basically have to present the car once and the other 4 hours I spend with taking gazillions of pictures next to the car, well minus the 1 hour break, so that made my job easier ;p

I have to wake up at about 5-6ish for 10 days, make-up & hairdo start at 7 or 8 in the morning. Dread in those 12 cm heels and smile all day long! So Mercedes hired people from Frameworks, which basically teach you how to stand properly, walk properly, be a good presenter, just like John Robert Powers which is popular in Jakarta, the people sent for the job are Robert and Adam which I think they're more like clowns rather than trainers. Mercedes has a name for us Brand Ambassadors, they call us the Mercedes Diva, that's pretty cool, I have to say, because the dress and make-up and hair really did paint the word 'glam.' I don't mind taking pictures and all, in fact I love every minute of it! The only thing that bothered me was the heels. They hurt like hell. And every time I take it off, my fingers felt numb.

The fun part was meeting the people that came there. I can see their mouths moving and comment about every thing and anything!!! I love it when they approach to me and talk to me about the smallest things, like "Aren't you tired of smiling the whole day?" which I found is quite funny! :p The flashes of the camera were quite blinding, especially the lighting there is pretty bright. I wonder how celebs in Hollywood deal with the never-ending camera flashes by the paparazzi. Oh I just remembered something sweet, there's this one person that came to me and said, "You know, every one came here to take pics of you instead of the car because they think the accessory right here is not you, but the car." I paused for a while and said, "Awww, that's so sweet of you!!!" :p

Met tons of nice photographers that took amazing pictures! Saw the results on their camera and I asked them to send the pictures to my e-mail. The photographers had a good eye on the angle and lighting and all, so the good pictures you see were really because of the professional photogs :) There's one who worked for the popular local newspaper, for TV, and I also met a photographer that did a spread for Vogue Australia. Pretty awesome, huh :) Well, I haven't ran out of ideas, but I'm going to continue on another post, this post is long enough I suppose :p Enjoy the pictures :D

Early morning make-up time... 3-|
Make-up and hair... DONE!!! :D
Someone actually said my lips looked like Jolie's :S Creeeeepy.
At the messy locker room! Oh how I had tons of memories here! LOL
And also, fyi, not that I'm trying to be rude by saying this, but so you know, my boobies are not that big, but since the costume would look weird with my normal boobs, they had to 'stuff' it so that it would look goooood :p
Credits to Mr. Galih for taking an amazing picture! Love it :)
Left to right:
Me, Yolanda, Tika, Shavira and Anita
7 out of 10 divas! I'm the youngest, fyi :p
Left to right:
Yolanda, Shavira, Me, Uwie, Gloria, Anita, Sania
Credits to Mr. Luki Halim! Thank you very much, definite favorite!!! :D

I love how people come close and I can see the expressions on their faces thinking, "Wow, that's amazing!" The car is sick, I have to be honest. I was assigned to present and take pictures with the SLS AMG, which is the most expensive out of the 5 cars in the exhibition. It costs about half a million dollars, and Mercedes sold about 20 units! Which made me think, "Hmm, what crisis are we dealing with exactly?" HAHAHA.
With a maximum 317 km/h, 571 horse power, and 6208 cc, this car is totally unbelievable! It's truly any guy's wildest dream.

Oh, if you didn't know, I was talking about the car, not me...

Until next time!!! :)


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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