God, Why Me? (A Must-Read)

I was inspired by a broadcast message to do this post, but I hope what you're about to read will encourage you like it has encouraged me :) Arthur Ashe is an African-American tennis player who won three Grand Slam titles; U.S Open (1968), Australian Open (1970), Wimbledon (1975).

In 1979, he suffered a heart attack which required him to do a bypass operation. After his second round of heart surgery, he was forced to face the music because it made the situation that much worse rather than getting any better. He was infected with HIV through the blood transfusions he had received during the second surgery.


When he received a letter from a fan which conveyed: ”Why did God have to select you for such a bad disease?”
Ashe replied: "Listen. 50 million children around the world start playing tennis. 5 million learn to play tennis. 500,000 learn professional tennis. 50,000 come to the circuit. 5000 reach The Grand Slam. 50 reach Wimbledon. 8 reach the Quarterfinals. 4 to the Semifinals. 2 to the Finals. When I was holding the Cup I never asked God: Why me? So why now, in pain, should I be asking Him: WHY ME?"

“If I were to say, God, why me? about the bad things, then I should have said, God, why me?
about the good things that happened in my life.”

I did a little research on him before putting him in the spotlight. Here's some of the things in his life which I want to highlight. He was the first African-American to win a Grand-Slam event. He was arrested on January 11, 1985, for protesting outside the South African embassy in Washington D.C. during an anti-apartheid rally. He was arrested again on September 9, 1992, outside the White House for protesting on the recent crackdown on Haitian refugees.


After his retirement, he took his time writing for Time magazine. He also founded the Arthur Ashe Foundation for the Defeat of AIDS.

Ashe was born on the 10th of July. And as ridiculous as I might make this sound, it is comforting to know someone who-- although doesn't go through the exact pain as I am-- has the passion and talent that he does and God has trusted him with such difficulty for him to overcome, and he did. Now it's time for another person born in July to be a part of history. And don't worry, other people born in January through December are allowed to do the same, too ;)


"I believe I was destined to do more than hit tennis balls"- Arthur Ashe


"Winning horse doesn't know why it runs the race.
It runs because of beats and pain.
Life is a race, God is your rider.
So if u are in a pain, then think,
God wants you to win."


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Souvenirs

Some of my friends are back to Indonesia from the holidays, a few stayed in the country and just go to the same ol' all-time-favorite holiday destination-- BALI! Some have returned to their original countries outside Indonesia; some came back for study purposes, some came back because it's their hometown. And the most anticipated thing for the people who don't go anywhere at all for the holidays (referring to yours truly, me!), what other thing but souvenirs from those who went away for their holiday trips!!! :D

Okay, so... Get your notes ready because here are a few of my favorite souvenir list:

(and yes, the order of this list indicates how important it is...)


1. A biiiiig jar of Nutella :)



A friend of Mom once brought me this ginormous jar of Nutella and it lasted for months because I really do love my toast spread with a generous amount of Nutella, but since the cost of Nutella is obviously distinguishable than the price outside Indonesia, I want to really enjoy the taste of it and not take it for granted :p

...okay I have a weird thing for chocolate, it is strangely soothing!




2. Call me old school, but I love postcards!!!




It's sort of a little reminder, or if I've never been to the place, a little taste of the place which is photographed on the postcard.


3. Books about the country, or maps, or the sightings in the country.

I like reading about histories, or see the roads or tourist's most visited places. Although I would like to know about other beautiful places that sometimes aren't as popular as the places that are well known in the country. Transport access, such as ferries, rafts, trams, anything that can make me picture myself on, or wish I could ride on!

4. Book about the language of the country.

Again, another obsession of traveling around the world. I would like to learn one or two phrases that might be a little useful, just for the fun of it :p

5. Something that is a must have item from the country, or a miniature of something that reminds you of the country.

Clogs or windmills that remind you of Holland. Or those little egg-shaped doll from Russia that every time you open up the outer part, there's a smaller egg-shaped doll inside of it and it gets smaller and smaller every time. Uhh, not sure if it's from Russia though. Just want to give you an example, but might actually make a fool of myself. And I'm too lazy to google it. Bahah!


I don't ask you to bring all 5, any either one would make my day! Then again, a round trip ticket around the world beats the heck out of any of these 5!!!

...not gonna happen




..but still
KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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A Little Girl's Wish

I don't want any fancy dresses,
Nor do I want those designer handbags,
I don't want to live in either abundance or luxury,
I just want to live happily. With one thing that every girl deserves to have.

Her Daddy.

Her one guy that treats her like a princess.

That one guy that gets really mad at her and then tickle her the next minute.
Tells her jokes that she doesn't laugh at, yet she still laughs at him because she knows that that makes him happy.
Brings her out to places she remember since she was a little kid.
Buys her food that she likes and treats her her favorite ice cream.
Doesn't necessarily spoil her, but surprisingly buys the things she like.
Who makes her birthdays memorable, and always a delight.
Let's her sit on his lap and cry about the most annoying thing, even if it means her brother.
Hugs her to sleep when it's late and cold.
Protects her like a shield, so no guys can ever mess her around.

How much does a Daddy cost? I'm breaking my piggy bank tonight.


Written with outpouring joy, love, and tears,
I miss my Daddy.

"On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the guide and the weight of her world
So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do"
- Daughters, John Mayer

KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Useless

What's the use in falling if you'll get hurt...?

The ongoing search just seems endless. I'm tired of being lifted up and knocked down by the same feeling over and over again. Damage control, that's probably what I need. When will this nonsense end? The last thing I need right now is another heartbreak, and that is exactly what I had to suffer. I guess getting your heart fixed from a heartbreak only means that you're ready to get your heart broken again.




You know what..... I don't even care anymore.

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So Many Ways...

...so many ways to be famous, yet so little way to be remembered



When you hear the word Oprah, no other explanation needed, right? You can immediately tell who I'm talking about. Or when you hear the word Disney. Scenes of your favorite childhood cartoons instantly jumbling inside your head. What about Jonas? I instantly remember Nick :)

The credit he's given for worth more than just his handsome look. Because although growing up alongside his other brothers, he just shines from the very beginning. And although he's the youngest out of the three, his talents overshadow the other two.

And although people say it's just another publicity stunt that Nick's trying to pull of with his purity ring, I honestly think that he does want to change the whole rockstar image. I mean, he's living the dream, but as a public figure, he wants to set an example too. Like I said in the previous blogs, I do (or at least want to) believe that good guys do exist.

I love how he dealt with diabetes, too. Must be tough living under the spotlight and have to go through a phase where he's battling a sickness every single day yet his job is to entertain people--consist of mostly teenagers who are fragile and watch every move that he make-- and try not to show it to the whole world. Having to live in pain and turn it into a good thing... Hmm, I can relate to that.

I don't adore him based on just his good looks, Joe is good looking, and so is Kevin, but there's something about Nick that shines the brightest in the whole band. He turns 18 today and for somebody so famous at that age, he's handling everything so well. And I'm somewhat happy that he is now rocking on his own, being the center of attention in his own band. I know he's not going to read this anyway, but in case he miraculously does, I'm just going to say, stay the way you are, 'cause the guy I highly admire rocks.



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Fiona, I know everything about you, I know you sing so beautifully that birds explode. I know that when you sign your name, you put a heart over the i. I know that when you see a shooting star you cross your fingers on both hands, squinch up your nose, and you make a wish. I know that you don’t like the covers wrapped around your feet, and I know that you sleep by candlelight because every time you close your eyes, you’re afraid you’re going to wake up back in that tower. But most importantly Fiona, I know that the reason that you turn human every day is because you’ve never been kissed, well, by me.

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Only Hope

I know I'm not supposed to worry about anything at all. I know I'm not supposed to question Your plans. But at this low point of my life, I just really need extra strength to carry on.

I know deep down what I have to go through is still in my capacity, nothing is too difficult for me to handle, but I just want to be certain for once. Certain of where this is going. Why am I still undecided about everything?

I know none of what I have to go through is normal for someone my age. I know You've made me special. And just like what Mr. Schue once said in an episode of Glee, "Sometimes being special... Sucks." And so far that describes how I feel more than any songs, or any quotes from any famous people.

Sometimes I wish my life would be normal. For once; just one bit of my life would be normal. I guess that's just too much to ask for. I want my life to be boring, to be predictable, rather than to live in uncertainty.

Then again, I'm sorry for questioning You. I know I'm not supposed to. I know in a matter of time everything will be fine. But as an ordinary human being, I just want You to know I can't go on anymore. Not without Your strength. On my way home I thought about what I want to do, about my dreams, then all of a sudden my mind had gone into a blank page. I forgot what I used to strive for. What used to keep me going. That's just me. A pessimist. I forgot to seek the Producer of my life behind the scenes that had carry me through every trouble of life. Now I have to do that again, remember what I want and keep my eyes on the prize. So this is me, kneeling before you and surrendering my hopes into The Mighty Palm of Hands that have taken good care of me. Yeah, really good care of me :')



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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It was real, wasn't it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn't we?


-The Notebook

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Kicking Habits

So I guess the old habit's back. Here I am writing crap out of my head and hoping in the future I'd be able to look back and think, "Wow, now that's true inspiration." Because when nobody else in this world is willing to give you any advice, sometimes the only person you have to rely on is yourself. And in my case, I read my own blogs, to give myself a piece of my own advice that I learned in the past. So this is sort of my time capsule.

I'm weird, yeah, what else is new...
:\

I don't mind being called strange. Strange is a definition of 'not being pulled in by the crown and do what everybody else is doing' because that's exactly how my whole life has been. I've been so... Different (if that's how I simplify it, and to make it look sane)

You know my old habit of how I write stuffs on my notepad just to keep my thoughts flowing and it's not just about one particular stuff, not about love stories (because frankly, mine is as boring as watching a rock and try telling it to play dead), occasionally about family stuffs, mostly about what I go through, what randomly pops in my head. So I really don't mind if some people don't get it, I'm cool with it :D

These past few weeks I've learned a lot. Probably too much to handle for someone easily frustrated like me. Rejection, failure, loss, and heartache. All in less than a month. Sometimes I wonder what's the point of going on in life, if every sacrifice I put into was in vain. Or what's the use of dreaming, if the future is dictated for you. Or what's the use in trusting someone, if at the end of the day you're on your own.

But you know what, that's just a blessing in disguise. Well at the moment it might seem terrible and painful, but maybe that's just the thing you need. A massive wake up call. For the fact that it's the wrong path you've been taking and you should just change lanes. The process to success is never easy. Shortcuts are not the express way to success, it'll get you at the top in an instant, but you'll surely tumble down faster than you could ever imagine. Think of it like a roller coaster, enjoy the ride while you're still here. The climb is supposed to be the best part, it'll be the reminder of what you have to go through to get to the top.

So don't mind the little pebbles getting in the way, you're on a 4-wheel drive.



"Just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost..."



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Light After Dark :)

The sky has to get a little dark to see the stars above.



Sure you can't see the stars with all the lights from the building and cars and such at night. You have to wait 'til the city is at its darkest and then you can see all the beautiful stars.

I am so blessed to have the most amazing friends to be there at whatever situation needed. Those people that you meet just for the heck of it, without knowing what to do when you meet up, but you're sure you'll end up having fun and it'll be one of the best days of your life.

I've been through the darkest place possible, and it was not a fun place to dwell in. But by the time I was there, everything was proven to me. The people who truly care, the people who are there only for the ups in life, or those people who unexpectedly came to help you see the light.

Just by a simple advice, or when they know me so well, they come up with a relevant tease, just to put a smile on that frown face. Thank you for the continuous support from Tweets, Blackberry Messenger, and Facebook. I'll pay my dues to you guys when I get the chance :"D



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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When I Think Of You

Everyone hates waiting, and I don't think anyone would want to be kept waiting. But I just saw a quote that painted how I feel perfectly, which I now use as my Blackberry Messenger status.

"And everything worth having is worth waiting for"

...beautiful :)

I always come across the same problems with guys. Distance.
It's either they left the country by the time I realized I fell for him, or we just have trouble seeing each other from the first time I realized I like him, yet he has all the right reasons for me to fall for him. And this time-- this time around it's the same thing happening again! Blarh, I am going to be so bummed if my first relationship happens to be a long distance relationship, but seems like it would most likely happen since distance has been the only kind of problem I deal with all along.

Honestly we don't communicate much, the time difference and with his schedule I know it's going to be hard to even talk about the most basic stuffs. His Blackberry Messenger status is always busy. Or it's work. Or it's fitness. Or it's whatever status that doesn't make me feel like disturbing him. I know it may not be this way, this might just be me, but I feel like I'm the only person making the extra effort. Trying to dig him deeper, get where he's going, but that's just me, I can't just not give it a try. Because if this doesn't end as well as I want it to, it's worth the embarrassment, it's worth every encouraging words or simple 'good night'(s) I say to him, it's worth showing him that I care-- because he's different. The way I see it, he might just be the one guy who makes me believe that actually good guys do exist in this world. So why not give it a shot :)



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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