Only Hope

I know I'm not supposed to worry about anything at all. I know I'm not supposed to question Your plans. But at this low point of my life, I just really need extra strength to carry on.

I know deep down what I have to go through is still in my capacity, nothing is too difficult for me to handle, but I just want to be certain for once. Certain of where this is going. Why am I still undecided about everything?

I know none of what I have to go through is normal for someone my age. I know You've made me special. And just like what Mr. Schue once said in an episode of Glee, "Sometimes being special... Sucks." And so far that describes how I feel more than any songs, or any quotes from any famous people.

Sometimes I wish my life would be normal. For once; just one bit of my life would be normal. I guess that's just too much to ask for. I want my life to be boring, to be predictable, rather than to live in uncertainty.

Then again, I'm sorry for questioning You. I know I'm not supposed to. I know in a matter of time everything will be fine. But as an ordinary human being, I just want You to know I can't go on anymore. Not without Your strength. On my way home I thought about what I want to do, about my dreams, then all of a sudden my mind had gone into a blank page. I forgot what I used to strive for. What used to keep me going. That's just me. A pessimist. I forgot to seek the Producer of my life behind the scenes that had carry me through every trouble of life. Now I have to do that again, remember what I want and keep my eyes on the prize. So this is me, kneeling before you and surrendering my hopes into The Mighty Palm of Hands that have taken good care of me. Yeah, really good care of me :')


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Duta said...


whatever u're going thru..

As always..Keep on keeping on..
When u cannot see God's hands, trust His heart =p.

Nadia Juliana said...

Thank you so much, Dut :)
It really means a lot :D Iya bener, I have to keep on seeking what He wants in my life and believing that He still takes good care of me by His Mighty Hands :D