2010 Highlights

You can always have things to complain about, but why spare your time complaining when you have so much to be thankful for? Make a post and let me know about your 2010 highlights! Don't hesitate to write everything from big to small, good and bad, you can certainly be thankful for anything, and I mean anything at all ;)
Here's a little somethin-somethin to help you think of what you could write about.

Well at the beginning of the year I had the courage to chop my hair off! Well not completely showing off the scalp by going bald, but I have never been a short-haired gal, so this would be a first! And I also straightened it, because my hair was so wavy that it didn't look good short. I loved it at first, but I kinda miss the long and natural wavy hair of mine that I can twirl my finger to and not do much about it 'cause it looks good even when I just got out of bed.

I landed a gig with Mercedes Benz, so I got the news that they're looking for a Brand Ambassador, so I went for an interview, and they told me that they didn't know I was only 17. They wanted someone who's older, and of course-- more experienced. But I got the call even though I flunk the presentation 'cause I was sooo nervous! They worked with my presentation skills, grooming skills, so many things I've learned from the pros, and I just couldn't be happier to have learned so much at this age :D

I was involved in IIMS (Indonesian International Motor Show) and there's a competition for the whole 10 days event, I was voted as Miss Favorite Motor Show! (See more about it here.) I represented Mercedes Benz at the event and the job sounds pretty easy, although the heels that I wore were insanely hurtful! So technically I had to be a presenter slash model for the SLS AMG. I got to work with people from Frameworks like Robert and Adam, whom at first I thought are killer leaders (picture Hitler!) and they turn out to be the sweetest, most hilarious bosses to work with! Best job to date. The funny thing was, I had to do a fitting with the designer for the 'costume' of the event. So it was at 9 in the morning, and I woke up at 8, didn't shower, took a bus ride straight away! And I wasn't late, miraculously the traffic was nice to me :) And because my house was far from where the IIMS took place, they provided an apartment and every morning I would wake up to the hairdresser and make-up artist ready to get me all dolled up. Fab lane! :D

My Grandma passed away and it was certainly the kind of news that didn't get me jumping up and down in joy. It was an 84 years well lived, and I'm glad I don't have to see her suffer again. I don't see her often, but she's a strong woman that I look up to, and her love story with Grandpa, how she stayed faithful although Grandpa died of cancer early in his 30s and she had to raise 13 kids all by herself, that taught me a lot. The family tradition was Christmas with Grandma at her place, and it's a first that we have to celebrate it without her, it's just not the same, but I know she's looking down on us, smiling. I miss her :(

I had lunch with my Dad whom I haven't met for 4 years or so. He didn't change much, still glued to the phone, busy with work. We talked a bit, told him about Mercedes Benz and everything that had happened. Oh, to those of you who didn't know, my parents separated when I was at the age of 13. Call me whatever you like, broken home, unlucky, but I'm thankful that i learned so much from the experience, and it's great that even all through the crazy things that have happened, the people who really matter don't leave.

There are also major changes like wearing braces recently and moved to a new apartment. Also other fun highlights like the Dufan trip with friends, Christmas barbecue dinner, and the list goes on. I just wish it will all get better and better after this-- just like it always is, but I just hope it won't change. I'll be the girl with the big laugh, has a passion for music and to write. Who will never put a price on family, friends, and loved ones. And just miraculously find her ways back to her dreams, no matter how hard she insist God on stopping her.


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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The Last Three Days

At first, I actually didn't want to tell anyone, but since some of my friends knew, and I couldn't share anything if I kept this to myself. And I tell this story in the most humble way possible, with the least intention to brag. So umm, I guess it has been an annual thing for me and Mom. We started this from last year, I try my best to make it happen 'cause not only your body has to be prepared for it, but so does your mind, and I received more that I could ever think of this year! Basically we took three days off of our normal routine, 'isolated' ourselves from any contact with the outside, no cellphones, no TV, no internet. We fast for three days, no food, no liquid, and basically do nothing but pray, listen to Christian music and listen to sermons. Last year Mom had all the recordings of different services from a few churches and we get to listen to it on tape and watch some of the services on TV. This year was different, we only pray, listen to Christian music and read spiritual books. Somehow I managed to finish 3 books in less than 2 days, well to calculate based only on the hours, it was actually less than 24 hours, minus the nap and the baths I took in between. Talk about some divine intervention!
I learned quite a lot of things from the 3 days of 'spiritual vacation' I took with Mom. Trust me, it wasn't a walk in the park, and of course my body wanted to collapse. It's also harder when you dream about sushi in your sleep!

I literally felt like Julia Roberts from the movie Eat, Pray and Love. And this is the 'praying' part of the whole 'finding-the-pieces-of-your-life' journey. In some of my upcoming posts, I would love to share what I've learned from the books that I read in the 3 days that took me to 'another world.'

I am not the most religious person, I have a lot of sins, and I'm not the holiest person in the world, but throughout my life, I just don't see myself-- let alone living; without A Greater Power taking an amazing care of me, of my family, I'm just overwhelmed by everything that God has given to me, it bends me to the knees to see the doors opening up when one door was closed down, thankful is an understatement. I might not have the perfect reason when people come up and ask me, "Why do you think God exist?" I'm not an expert when it comes to explaining all those things. All I know is, I don't have to go to the sun to know it's up there, I can just feel the heat and I know there's a 'power' producing the heat. It's the faith that keeps me going :)


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Anything is Possible

It might seem impossible, but He made it possible,
I might not be able, but He made me more than just being capable,
He equips and prepare,
He shows the ways I could never imagine in my wildest dreams,
When I thought my world is coming to an end, He turns it upside down,
Even when things go wrong, all that counts is to keep on believing,
To walk by faith, and not by sight,
So keep the faith :)

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Last Confession-- I'm Pathetic

I was suppose to go to a family gathering today, but since I just slept at 4 in the morning and these braces made it impossible for me to eat anything solid, I decided to be lonely donkey and stay home. Plus, Grandma is not here, it just won't ever be the same again. But there are thoughts haunting my mind today, brought me back to some of the 'plans' I had in the past few months.

I still can't figure out why things didn't work out in the love section of my life. I mean, I don't make the highest standards, and honestly, by Christmas this year, I thought I would share it with somebody. Someone, you know, special.

And seeing that I have to go through it alone, for the 18th time in a row, again (Not to mention, first Christmas without my beloved Grandmother, who passed away last May), make me realize that there's something wrong. Really wrong. I don't know if it's me, or if it's just not the time yet, I just couldn't figure it out. Maybe it's because I've always been occupied, both in time and in the mind, that I didn't really put much thought about it, but honestly, it's starting to get to my nerves.

Before you know it, it's my Valentine, then it's my 19th birthday (Gasp! I'm old!!!), then it's Christmas all over again. I did get my heart broken this past year, also got near to a relationship, and then onto another heartbreak. I know, this is pathetic, sharing my love life to the whole world! Which won't make any of this crap any better, this could only lead to a much worse reputation! Ha, who am I kidding... What reputation, it's not like I have one anyways!

Throughout the heartbreak(s), I'm just thankful I don't get to a relationship which could only lead to a much worse pain, because I was shown little by little what the guy(s) really is(or are) like before falling a little deeper for them. I just can't imagine having a relationship with a guy who's not worth it after 'training' myself single for my whole life! Man, another pathetic statement. Cheer up, Nad, it's Christmas for goodness sake! Well I hope you were amused, what can be a better entertainment than someone reality which sucks a whole lot more than yours right?



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Came By Surprise

I can barely pull my pants up as I changed into my comfortable PJ's after a nice quick bath. It was a well spent Christmas Eve, and although most of the day were made up of sudden change of plans that turned into new memories to remember in a lifetime, I went with the flow anyways. I ate like crazy! And don't even count the calories I stuff into my mouth! Holidays are the only exception, and Christmas is the first and only reason I wouldn't be getting near the scales or the measuring tape anytime soon! Anyone who knows me would never even consider offering me french fries, but today, I ate a whole lot of 'em without having anyone shoving any fries inside my throat.

It's not even about the food, or the places that I spent Christmas Eve with! It's the people that were there with me throughout the day that made this day ever so memorable.

It's December the 25th, and I just want to say how amazingly grateful for the people I met by chance, and yet they stay in my heart forever. How I learned that not everyone would stay like I want them to, but the memories remain eternally. People who I thought won't even be able to meet, and to my surprise became really good friends with me. Who only saw me on the tiny square boxes of their screen, yet have treated me like a friendly neighbor. I'm overwhelmed by the exceptionally, outstanding hospitality by friends who cared for me like family. Everything unplanned are better than the things that crossed my mind. Friends who know what I want and helped me achieve my dreams 'cause they know I'll do whatever it takes, but have never given me one single negative response, not even one bit. To those who reminded me that good food doesn't always mean living healthily, but the comfort it brings is just beyond explanation! Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Currently...

I miss my high school friends. I've been constantly Skype-ing and having conversations on MSN and it make me realize that they are just a few of the people that know and love me the most. They know me inside out, and although distance (and time difference!) has separated us, nothing much has changed. We can still have a good laugh and talk about nonsense and remind ourselves how great we get along from the high school days. December has been quite the 'magical' month that we all believe and are passionate about. I hope it never ends.

I love the smell of new books! I'm going to share some of the things that I learned from books that I'll read in the following weeks, and I gotta say, I'm pretty excited! I love spending my time at the bookstore, just dive into the pages that bring you to another world and inspire you to make something more out of it, like posts or have new perspective on things! I believe you can pass down bags, clothes and shoes to your children, but how far will a dressed up body go with an empty and hollow mind?

I'm currently reading a book that opens up about how meat are made from scratch. How the animals are killed, how the first process occurred from being skinned to being the delicate meal on your steak plate and/or your burger wraps. It's quite an eye-opener. I'm going to tell you more once I get to read it further. The only thing that is a little bit of a downer is this book was translated to Bahasa. Not that I'm not a fan of Bahasa Indonesia, my native language, but since the original book is made in English, the cynical statements and the sarcastic jokes just don't mean the same, and to look for the original book which is made in English, have to be in imported bookstores such as Kinokuniya or Times, and the only bookstore near my house in Kelapa Gading is Gramedia, which sell limited imported books. Oh well, I'm going to finish reading it anyway, since it has an interesting presentation to it, from surveys to researches to personal experience, this book just make me want to flip through the pages and find out more. Forgive me for being such a curious George :p




KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Em(brace) Change

I just got braces! Ah! I'm sort of excited, somehow, 'cause in a matter of months, my teeth would be perfect (hopefully!). No more little miss snaggletooth that my family and friends tease about :p But to deal with a lot of pain, and from past experience of friends who had worn braces before told me that I'm going to lose weight because putting braces on meaning I have to be ready to give up solid food for a while! I didn't know I have to deal with porridge, soft biscuits and banana, I feel like a toothless toddler! I find it weird at first, 'cause it made my face look like a cow! Or horse. And dealing with mouth ulcer! Thank God I could still eat frozen yogurt :) I would have to take a tooth out for my next dentist appointment, surely not looking forward to that :( But I'm glad that I got braces anyways! And big thanks to Mom who helped me deal with everything and cook me some yum yum porridge for every meal :D

Last picture without wearing braces! With Vera :)

Yes, it hurts so bad.


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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I'm Me

No matter how much you say you never let people's opinions get to you, you'd still second guess yourself for it. I'm not much of an emotion-hider, even if it's not a noun, I don't care, I made it up, I know you're smart enough to understand. If I'm sad, then I'll appear sad as sad can be. If I'm happy, I'll spread it. If I'm angry, I'll show it. I know there are things that can still need some improvements, but I never want to change in the following years to come, I'd still want to see myself being this little girl with big dreams inside her head. Even when her previous dreams had came true, she'll keep on dreaming new dreams to remind herself that dreams do come true. I would still hold onto principles like there are a lot of things in this world that worth more than money-- how priceless moments can't be numbered. How I'd be broken numerous times, but I never find myself shattered. I'll keep doing things that I love, and be surrounded by people who would love me for me, not who I pretend to be. Who's always thankful for being able to wake up and smell fresh air. Or look forward to eating bread with generous amount of chocolate spread and frozen sliced bananas for breakfast from the night before, 'cause chocolate is all that I need as a moodbooster. Who only needs to listen to Michael Buble after crying her heart out. Who will always remember where she's going, yet never forget where she came from :)

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Please Entertain Me

People asked me how could I balance work and pleasure at the age of 18 because I barely have any spare time left, or time for myself. Let alone to go on dates, I don't even see my Mom that often. I told 'em, I make a little room to meet my friends. Even if it means at 10 or 11 p.m and just having a simple chat over some cheesecake. Or to go over their house and watch some DVD, even if it means I'd be home late or I'd have to give up some of my bedtime, but to me at least I was physically there with them, even when I was exhausted and everything from work.

I'm glad I got to catch up with a few new flicks in the cinemas. So here's a post of me giving a little feedback of the movies I recently watched. First off, Rapunzel 3D. Well, I know it's originally called "A Tangled Tale," but here in Indonesia, it's called Rapunzel. I don't know if it's for marketing purpose, or some other reason, but one thing's for sure, it was nothing like what I thought it would be. Disney, hands down, make the BEST animation and story lines AND SOUNDTRACK! I was singing "And at last I see the light..." all the way back home because it was such a beautiful song and tune to listen to! It was the complete package, the humor, the unexpected twist to the story, the unpredictable ending. All in all, it played with my imagination, just like how I expected it to be. I love movies that give little girls dream that there's happily ever after's, because there is one for each. And I love the great feeling you get after watching a good movie, and that feeling definitely tickled me on the inside after this movie ;)

Another 3D movie that I watched after Rapunzel was Narnia. I saw the trailer and just couldn't wait to see the whole movie. The moral of the story was outstanding, but the effects and everything were just okay, I mean compared to the first and second movie. I was disappointed because Susan and Peter weren't in the whole adventure. Edmund, on the other hand, was just... Dreamy. The movie left a few important messages, and although it's fictional-- in my opinion-- I get it way much better than Harry Potter. I'm up for fantasy movies, as long as they're easy to digest and have really good meaning to the story, just like Narnia.

The third movie that I watched was Due Date. It didn't need much time for me to get inside the L.O.L train, 'cause it was hilarious!!! I was looking forward to see this movie, too, and I love how the lead actors played the characters so well, how they owned it! It gave me mixed kinds of emotions, which I find is good, because that way you'll see how good the actors are, how good the people who wrote the whole script, it was such a delightful movie to see with friends, to have a good laugh and just talk about the whole movie with.

Well just now I saw The Next Three Days. I was happy because this movie was also another good choice. It was a different genre than the previous movies that I watched, this was strictly drama. I love movies that could also make you think, and this falls into that category. Unpredictable, but not disappointing. I love how this movie told about a faithful husband who trusted his wife a 100% and would do anything to bring her back. It was thrilling, and it also gave me that ticklish feeling after seeing a good movie, that indescribable feeling I get that can help me judge whether the movie's bad or good.

Movies can lift up my mood, and I'm such an easy to please person that it can give me a lot to think about and learn from. I'm just glad I could still catch up with new movies, because I'm such a moviegoer and work doesn't always allow me to be one, well I'm back on track! At least for the holiday season.




KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Life's a Joke

"Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyways," so I've been told. I've seen people stress out about things I'm thankful for. Just small, tiny details that we often don't look as a blessing anymore. This is the last month of the year, if I don't make the most of it, I might as well stop living. I've always shared my hopes and dreams to the people I trust, and as disappointing some of them may be, I never regret those who once made pretty little footprints in my heart. Even the best kind of friendship has to end at some point. Distance, time, there will be some sort of separation. If you're lucky-- it will be temporary, or if you're not, some may be permanent.

I'm the worst when it comes to saying goodbye, and maybe that's why I'm always tested with it, to make me stronger every time I have to watch people leave. Although it makes me happy because with time, I realize it's for the best. I know I sound like some dark person who experienced terrible loss all the time, well... It's not as bad as it sounds, okay :p I try to convince myself to not be afraid about losing people, because it's just a sign that maybe they just have to leave. Maybe, it's just how the cycle goes. The never-ending cycle people go through. One thing you should never forget is; through every goodbye, smile. So if you think that life's a joke, you might as well just laugh at it.


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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My Prince Charming is (NOT) a Clown

...what if he's your Prince Charming, but you're not his Cinderella?

I suddenly remembered this quote and just feel like talking it out. That's just how I write stuffs, I realize when I get into my own blog, it's full of writings of crap and I don't expect people to like it, because this is my form of stress relief. But if you could relate or understand to any of it, then great!

Okay, back to the first topic. I know, I know, Prince Charming is just another exaggeration. No guy is perfect. But you must have met that one guy, or dreamed of that one guy you've wished you would spend your happily ever after's with. Well to me... My definition of perfect is he completely realizes that I'm not the most beautiful girl on the planet, but truly loves me for who I am on the inside. Who admits that he has issues, but don't mind me when I show mine too. I swore to myself that I would never fall for my own best friend, but then I came to my senses that how can you fall for someone if he's not your best friend first? 'Cause you can break up with your lover, but how could you ever break from your best friend? The one you don't have to pretend to be someone else with, the one you feel safe next to, someone who understands your inside jokes, don't have to feel ashamed to burp or fart on! The one who says, "You're disgusting! Are you a man on the inside who happens to dress like a girl?" and say, "Good night, love. I'll see you soon." every time he's about to close his eyes and go to bed.

I know, I know, it sounded like I made a joke out of it, but I'm serious. I can't spend a good time who I can't share laughs with! Of course I can be serious, but if you meet this person so much in a week (or a day!), you don't want it to be the same old boring routine all the time! Who would?

But the scariest thing about opening up to someone is the gambling part how he would take you as you are, or slowly and surely backing off. If you're not ready to risk yourself of getting hurt, why fall in love?



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

Everyone would agree that there must be one movie, or song, or book, or any kind of media that came across in our lives that teach us that dreams come true. Do they really, though? I mean, what is the definition of dreaming, exactly? Do you come into this world knowing just precisely what you want to do in life, or do you grow up having trouble figuring out what is your goal, what drive or desire could you possibly have?

Famous last names, abundance of possessions, they may open doors; but the thrill and pleasure in pursuing the dream is the journey. For so many times I've thought, "No, I'm just like any other person, nothing great is ever going to happen for me." Or, "Well, this is as good as it will ever get." And to my surprise, I just keep seeing doors being opened, and although it's one stair at a time, I'm just happy that I'm moving, not just being stuck in one place.

At the moment your dream might have seem like complete and utter nonsense, or it's just way too impossible. Maybe you ask yourself, "What now? What the heck am I going to do? Yeah, I have a dream, so what? It's not like it's going to happen anyways." You might focus on being not capable because the situation in life somehow forces you to think that your dream is just-- a dream. And there's nothing you can do about it.

The sad thing is, people tend to think that dreams are going to happen instantly, and that is what make people lazy so they'll just sit around and wait for things to happen for them. But that's the biggest mistake. You shouldn't just stop and think, "Oh okay, my dream is going to come true anyways, even if I don't do anything, so I'll just... Wait." Well, you got the waiting part right, but you should still do what is there for you to do, not sit around and do absolutely nothing! If you have to learn, then learn. If you have to practice, then practice.

What I'm saying is, don't just do nothing, but do your part, believe, and at the right time, if you choose to wait, it will somehow make its way to you. Your dream. You're going to see it all come true :)


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want.
Sometimes change is exactly what we need.
And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes saying hello again is the thing that breaks you down and makes you more vulnerable than you ever thought possible.
Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing that saved your life.
Accept it, because in the end everything happens for a reason.


KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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'Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending, than have to forget you for one whole minute

"Crush Crush Crush"
- Paramore

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In the Dark

It's true how they say you can't choose who gets to be your family. Me, I'm thankful for my family members-- Mom, Dad, and my older brother. Of course I love them and would do anything for them. But when you grow up in the place where I grew up in, I would've stopped and doubt myself if, by chance, in the future I was ask, "Would you die for them?"

I've experienced a different level of being not wanted, of being underestimated, unappreciated. I even thought about not having a family for so many times, being so terrified of what is called marriage. It was by far the biggest impact that created my thick skin. I've survived being alone all this time, why not do it for another few decades?

I know I have my own mistakes, I'm not trying to proclaim that I'm perfect, no. I'm just tired of being pressured, sure my family is not the worst, but the insecure feeling they gave me that made me feel I'm just never good enough; that stabs me in the heart. I bore the pain for so long, thinking I would've actually get out of it. I keep saying that this is too much for someone my age, this is too much. I even tried amusing myself by thinking that maybe I'm special, 'cause I'm different. But that's like believing something good is going to happen, yet you have no idea when or what's in store for you. Saying everything will be fine is easy. Convincing myself to do so, needs a lot of emotional and mental effort.



Calm down. Deep breaths.
Hang on, help is on the way :']
Stay strong, and keep the faith

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A Different Galaxy

Everything seem okay here, but we could be great,
Here and now; I have to settle with what I'm told to do,
Or what I was forced to believe,
To meet you is something I'm forever thankful for,
Lucky to have seen a glimpse of light in the darkness,
I know I have my faults, and you're no perfection either,
But I saw a diamond when you're standing at a distance,
We're meant to be, but not here most likely,
Maybe at a different place, we could just run ourselves free,
Not have to bother about what people say or think,
What would matter is solely what we feel,

How about if you meet me there?
A different galaxy where we don't have to stand on a fragile line,
Between what we know and what could have been,
Where we don't have to wonder where it leads to,
Because we create the future we always wish we have,
So take my hand, let's take this trip for the sake of both of us,

For the moment, I'll snap back to reality,
I know right now the future's not so clear,
'Cause only in a different galaxy, I can touch your face without seeing your tears fall on it,
Where I don't have to fight for what I want to hold in my arms for eternity,
I might as well create that galaxy, just to have you here with me...

Dedicated to my best friend, Gilvina Gunardy, and her boyfriend, Dimas Pradipta :)
(c) Nadia Juliana
o8.12.1o
TeeKay ♥

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You Know That I Can Use Somebody ♥

Remember how one song used to remind you of someone and made you smile all of the sudden, almost as if you went into a time machine and was in the very same moment as when you hear the song? And now I'm feeling all of it over again. Though it makes me feel very much pathetic. Moving on isn't something that I'm a big fan of.

It's like every single time we get to talk, you always strip me down to the core, not in a dirty way, and you get me, because not many people do, they never do, never as much as you.

We came into this world as a nobody and all we need is someone who makes us feel special, as if this life is worth living.

Sometimes in the darkest nights, when I cry myself to sleep when things go so wrong, I reach out to my phone thinking about who could I possibly call or text just to calm me down and say every thing is going to be okay, maybe I do need somebody, and at the most vulnerable times I realize I'm not the strongest person in the whole world, I realized I could use somebody, maybe all this time I've been putting my guards up because I was afraid to open up, maybe I don't want people or 'any certain someone' to find out that I'm not as strong as I want to be seen, I'm actually fragile and weak in certain ways, maybe I'm afraid if they see me as I am and they wouldn't like me. Little by little I'm starting to build bricks of wall so that people wouldn't get in, and now I realized it's the size of the Great Wall of China! Breaking 'em down takes time, and that's all I need to find somebody. Someone like you.

No, I didn't just get out of a painful relationship, quite frankly I'm still happy I've never involved myself in any relationship. Not being in any of the relationship drama just made me realize that maybe I'm not one of those people who easily find someone and let them go the next minute. When I found someone, I get a good hold of them, so that makes it so hard for me to let go. But I secretly trained myself to let people go, learn that it's all a cycle that I'm not in charge of. It gets tiring though, the meeting someone part, the tell-it-all sessions, the 'click' moments, the 'almost-there' part, and when you're a step closer to that stage, it just all... Fell apart. Didn't go as you want them to.

But I've decided to accept it. Being single for 18 years gave me a stronger urge to really make sure if the guy is worth it. I'd rather settle for Mr. Right at the right time, rather than Mr. Right Now and regret it later on.

KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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It's a few minutes past 1.30 a.m. My hopes and dreams are all ending with a question mark. Can I really make it? Will I be able to make them all come true? Please ignore this post. I just need to pour things out 'cause lately things have been so wrong, and this is my escape. Blogging is another world I can be myself in. I'm getting tired day by day and maybe all I need is a little light to remind me that I can still make it, maybe to just remember what it felt to hope again. Or at least pull myself through. Or break down into pieces. Whichever might happen first :(

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Being a Girl

I can't remember the last time I wrote a long post. Lately I just write what came up in my mind and I'd lose interest in continuing to write a particular topic in less than 4 paragraphs, so blame my brain if you feel like my posts have been a little bit shorter than it used to. Well the good news is that yesterday I wrote on a full A4-sized paper and I reminded myself what real writing felt like! I just really need to be in a good mood in order to make a post, the comfort I find in good music, or a good article that warms the heart I just read. Great posts come flowing, without trying too hard, or thinking too much on what to write.
Inspiration, not perspiration. So here's what I got from writing randomly last night.

You think it's easy being a girl?
Girls deal with the misery of heels. Well, maybe not to most girls, but it's definitely a huge burden for me. I feel like I drag my feet along with me when I walk, rather than having my feet move fluidly with my body. I rejoice as I wear the oh-so comfortable flats on my non-working days. Every time I wear flats, it's like I can hear a group of choir around me singing, "Hallelujah!"

And even though I miss my long hair, I'm not the biggest fan of having to take care of long hair. It doesn't suit the weather in Jakarta, and you just have to deal with hair-fall, or other hair drama! Hair drama you ask? Let me give you an example. You purposely cut your bangs and it didn't end up the way you want it to, especially when the next day is a big day for you, and you just feel like inventing a quick hair-growing formula, 'cause it's frustrating yet you can't do anything about it!

Or how can you forget about the suddenly-there-pimples! You wake up thinking, "When did it got here?!" They show up at the most unwanted days. Then there's the dressing up part, the make-up, the never-ending hairdo sessions! BLARH!
I am not the most patient person when it comes to getting myself ready! You can check with my friends, looking fresh or polished is the last thing I think about when I go out with them. I don't enjoy my time at the salon, I don't like being in there for a long time, I don't get myself pampered, I've never dyed my hair, not planning to, and I don't even go out to get massages, I'm super ticklish, so cracking my back is all it takes to get the backaches go away.

I just realized how un-girly I've been. How my room has always been blue instead of pink. Most of the things in my cupboard are T-Shirts. I wear my Crocs to work, and it's the ones that make your feet look swollen, not the cute flats from Crocs.

Don't even get me started with PERIOD. Guys, remember that girls deal with periods! In case you're wondering why are we such 'female dogs' at this time of the month, well, imagine this, boys, try living your everyday routines with blood dripping from your "genital organ" 24/7 for 5 to 6 days nonstop, and at the same time, your stomach feels like a washing machine because everything inside felt twirling and twirling and twirling, and it drains your whole energy so you're easily tired, PLUS it hurts so much around the hips from all the blood coming out, argh it's just... TORTURE! That is why a friend of mine refer to it as my 'Wolverine Season' cause I've warned everyone around me before having my period :p

Girls don't mean some of the things they say, like when we talk to guys about a girl that we dislike then the next minute when we suddenly meet that girl she doesn't like and we just pretend like we're really good friends, but deep down we just don't like her, now that's what I mean with not really meaning what we say :p Or when a girl says that she's okay to a guy, sometimes it only means we want you to 'magically' read our mind, and say, "I know you're not okay. What's really up?" I know, I know, it's hard to understand a girl, sometimes us ourselves can't even make up our mind, that's what make us so hard to understand.

But us ladies should be thankful for the 'ladies only parking', or other benefits being a girl, like we can get a day off when we're having bad stomach cramps from PMS, or having a guy open the door, all thanks to the classic 'ladies first' rule. It's not that I hate being a girl, but there's a lot to deal with when you're a girl and sometimes guys just don't see that. Try seeing it from our perspective, maybe that will give a little insight on what we really want :p



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Snap Out of It!!!

I suppose I'm used to seeing a woman live independently without a man, like my Mom for example, I feel like it's becoming a normal thing. That's why I'm not craving for a relationship, although it would be the biggest lie to say that there's no curiosity for such. But I'm starting to feel like if it's an option I would like to consider. Live happily alone, get a decent job, adopt a kid, raise the kid, I suppose that would spare so much heartbreak, it would spare so much drama. I'm starting to wonder if taking chances would be worth it.

Love doesn't have to come from a man now, does it? You might think it's lunacy, but maybe you can grow old with something that wouldn't leave you. Maybe get a retriever. Or two. Or three.

But then again, I want to experience that memorable wedding next to the striking waves and dreamy sunset. Just with a few close people that I love. Maybe settle in a little city just outside Italy and run a farm that produces dairy products and maybe... Nutella! Be a full vegan and also develop a small winery. Picturing it gives me a ticklish feeling inside. So I guess... I shall try again?

Take a deep breath.




KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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Empty Crowd

Everyone smell rich and you can tell that it's fine wine that they're drinking. Yes, it's another Mercedes Benz event. But out of the long talks about cars and the fashion you see around, I just felt bored. I don't know what's gotten into me nowadays. It's like something suck the life out of me. I work until late and I'm exhausted yet there's just no desire to sleep. I'm a zombie. Roar.

Okay, I know I said zombie, not lion, genius.

This past week didn't give me enough spare time. The only spare time I had was on Wednesday which I spent to meet old buddies and to visit my High School to see a basketball match between the current students and alumni. I slept at 2 in the morning and wake up at 7.30 the same day for the past seven days and it's starting to take a toll on me. Even the teachers I met in my old High School were shocked when they saw me. "Wow, I can tell you haven't had enough sleep." Yes, Sir. This lack of sleep really made me think so much slower, and my mood is just not good the whole day. I'm Mrs. Grumpy. I'm Mrs. Crankypants. I'm everything you don't want to be near of in the past few weeks.

I just wish everything would go on a much slower pace. Christmas is near and it's making me sad. Because when Christmas is finished, then New Year is up next. And I just don't feel I've been the most productive this past year. I hope this last month of the year would be the most unexpected.



KEEP THE FAITH
XOXOX

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