In the Dark

It's true how they say you can't choose who gets to be your family. Me, I'm thankful for my family members-- Mom, Dad, and my older brother. Of course I love them and would do anything for them. But when you grow up in the place where I grew up in, I would've stopped and doubt myself if, by chance, in the future I was ask, "Would you die for them?"

I've experienced a different level of being not wanted, of being underestimated, unappreciated. I even thought about not having a family for so many times, being so terrified of what is called marriage. It was by far the biggest impact that created my thick skin. I've survived being alone all this time, why not do it for another few decades?

I know I have my own mistakes, I'm not trying to proclaim that I'm perfect, no. I'm just tired of being pressured, sure my family is not the worst, but the insecure feeling they gave me that made me feel I'm just never good enough; that stabs me in the heart. I bore the pain for so long, thinking I would've actually get out of it. I keep saying that this is too much for someone my age, this is too much. I even tried amusing myself by thinking that maybe I'm special, 'cause I'm different. But that's like believing something good is going to happen, yet you have no idea when or what's in store for you. Saying everything will be fine is easy. Convincing myself to do so, needs a lot of emotional and mental effort.

Calm down. Deep breaths.
Hang on, help is on the way :']
Stay strong, and keep the faith

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