Commitment Phobia

At first, the thought of serious relationship scares the heck out of me. Let alone marriage. I know that many people whose parents have separated have had the same thoughts as I do. I used to think, I just can't acknowledge the point of getting together if at the end of it all; it will fall apart. I figured, if I don't bet anything, I have nothing to lose. Forever is a broken promise, where sooner or later one of the two would fail to keep.

"Love cures commitment phobia." One of the lines that caught my attention from the hit box office "He's Just Not That Into You." If so, then is it true; that all my life, I haven't fallen foolishly in love? If it's true, then I can't think of anyone whose life is as sad as mine, not even the homeless who worries for the need of tomorrow's meal.

So was it because I've fallen for all the wrong kinds of men? Or was it my explicitly self-trained skill of living an independent and solo life? I guess the fear of getting my heart broken is the only thing that broke my heart. Felt the need for a change. The need to let go. The fear for tomorrow will only take away today's happiness, and there's nothing more beautiful in life than to love someone, and knowing they love you back; which only adds to the head-spinning sensation. Maybe I used to think that this gamble is frightening because what happened might not be real, and what you felt, he might not feel. I spent so much time worrying all the reasons why it won't work out, when on the other hand I can easily find the right reasons why it definitely will.

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