Waking Up to Reality

It's February. Not one of the most anticipated month of the year, next to July, sort of avoiding the fact that I'm turning 19 that month (man I hate birthdays...), but this situation has nothing to do with the fact that the "Worldwide Fraud for Couples Scheme" that the greeting cards and chocolate company try to pull off, best known as Valentine's. I have embraced flying solo for so long, I don't think I'll ever forget how to deal with little speed bumps like being single on V-day.

I'm more anxious because this month is the month of decisions. Where some of the things I have been waiting for will come down to a conclusion. I don't like the thought of waiting in uncertainties, I'd rather know even if it hurts me. Just like what I'm doing with love, I'm trying hard not to expect too much. I've dealt with changes and learn to surrender to its consequences. And I've been caught up with different kinds of feelings lately. The feeling of hope again, the thought of maybe I can give love another try. The scary thing that I'm terrified about is not that people can change, it's what's changes can cost you. Losing people. I still haven't fully sink goodbyes in. The magic of goodbyes never fail to cease me in awe. Even when I see the signs, I ignore it. That's what love can do to you, damage the remarkable function of the brain. It starts to stop taking control then the heart steps right in.

On a much lighter note, I'm happy that January was a month filled with a lot of "Friends-I-Haven't-Seen-In-A-While" meetings. One of which is the one I just had yesterday, with Rizky, I call him Bix, a good friend I met in junior high. He's also a good friend of my brother's. We were also neighbors and met almost every day at the basketball court in the afternoon, and the great thing is he knows every inch of my story yet he never looked down upon me. He's like the other older brother. He hasn't changed much. Always concerned on my work, on why I'm still single, and seem to be worried about me considering to be a nun or a lesbian (ha! Inside joke...). Gotta love the advices he gave about taking care of myself. He told me about a lot of his part of this life too, family, girlfriend, Uni life and stuffs, and he's the funny person that could light up a dead conversation. The ice breaker, I suppose. I'm blessed with such great friendships in my life. Maybe the fairies need to spread a little luck dust on the love section. Okay, maybe I can use like a lot and I say that in the least desperate way possible!

Keep the faith

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