Need to Know

I know the people who I want to address this blog to might not read it. But it's getting harder for me to bear, and I guess this is an alternative. An escape.

I used to do this in my first blog, in Multiply, I used to write the song that is accompanying me while I write, and now I'm going to start doing it again. So, recent song on play: Fix You- Coldplay.

Everyone has dealt with losing people, right? The hardest thing about losing the people that you love is seeing them with other people. It sucks knowing that the person you love moved on just a little quicker than you do. Because when you're with them, it's almost as if you're superhuman, and having to wake up in the morning, realizing that they're not there with you anymore, is a punch in the heart every time, it feels like you've lost your super powers. Saying, "I'm happy for you, now that you've found someone else in your life that makes you happy," is the biggest lie anyone could ever say to their loved ones. You're not happy seeing them with anyone else, as selfish as it sounds, you wish it was you, you wish they've never found anybody else but you. When your sweetest dream came true turned into a nightmare, makes it seem like you forgot how to dream again. I know how that feels because I've been through all of it. All, tiny, bit of it.



But what if the tables are turned, what if you're on the other side of the road? Knowing that someone still have feelings for the person you're starting something with, will you still do it anyways, will you go for it? Are you going to smile above someone else's pain? Are you going to choose your own happiness, knowing that you've taken theirs?

In my life I learned, that when you've experienced so much pain in your life, you'll get used to it. You forgot how it felt like to scar yourself, to tear your skin apart, or to bleed (And not that I've literally hurt myself). No matter how many times you say that you don't care, crying for it numerous amount of times actually let you know that you do give a damn. I may be numb after all those things that I've been through, but I'm not heartless. But, honestly, for once, I thought I could prove my heart that my brain was wrong.

Why can't I be normal just once in my life? Is this not enough crap I have to go through? Can I not fall for someone, and having no drama involved behind it, be happily attached to them? Is that really... REALLY... Too much to ask? Screw everyone who ever fell in love, screw those who said it's okay to choose to be happy, screw every butterflies in my stomach, screw every dreams I ever believed in. You know why being alone doesn't suck? It's because that way, nobody can ever hurt you. You know what... I'm done. Just leave me be.

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Happy Ending

Come on, as much as we hate to admit it, we love movies with the good ol' happy endings. Every movies that you see, every songs that you hear, every novel that you read, they're bound to make us believe that we all deserve a happy ending. And don't get me wrong, we all do, but everyone has various types of different stories, and let me tell you a secret, it's not always smooth sailing like we wish it would be.

You've heard all the Cinderella story, the meeting of your Prince Charming scenario. Getting married to the boy of your dreams, living your fairytale life in the palace. But what if after this so-called "happily ever after," lies unheard stories that are kept under the radar? What if her happily ever after started wearing off? What if Prince Charming cheated with Rapunzel and Cinderella filed for divorce under irreconcilable differences? The Beast might have turned into a handsome young prince, but what if Belle was living under domestic violence because his inner beast never really left? What if Mulan's other half went to war and died, leaving Mulan with nothing but sorrowful eyes filled with tears? You'll never know...

For me, you have to work for your happily ever after. Of course fate exists, but not everything are sort out easily for you, so all you have to do is just sit down and silently wait for your happily ever after to happen by itself, no. Sometimes, life takes unexpected turns, whether people leaving by choice, or if it was just destiny. Maybe it's a way of you meeting other people that might change your life. Maybe it's a way of you learning that losing means gaining. Life might seem to be unfair, but sometimes you have to give time some time. An unfortunate thing that happened might just be a blessing in disguise that we don't realize at the moment. We are all on our way to believing.



keep the faith
xoxox

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Gotta Getaway

Every time there's a sudden thought that comes up in my mind, a statement I just read in a book, or if something, good or bad, happened during the day, I can't help but thinking, "I have to write about this, I have to write about this..." Writing. Its simplicity is the thing that made my day so much better. It's the refreshing getaway that never fails to lift up my mood. Well I wouldn't reject a generous offer of a 4-night beach vaca if any of you readers are somehow moved to give me one.

...note that I'm only half joking :)

A man and his wife were waiting at the airport and were about to go abroad for holiday purposes. Their plane got delayed for 2 hours so they have no other choice but to sit and wait for another couple of hours. The husband was getting impatient and starting to complain about the smallest things to her wife, but her wife dealt with him without getting weary. By the time they board on the plane, the air hostess come up to them and told them that there has been a mistake in the economy class seating arrangements so that the airplane company has randomly picked 2 passengers to change seats to the first class and they were the two who got picked to transfer to the business class. As the plane took off, the husband apologized for being cranky towards her and told her how he regretted being irritating while waiting for the plane. Her wife gently replied, "The biggest reward is not that we got these first class seats, but it's having a man besides me who admits to being wrong. With you losing your temper, I learned to be more patient. I'm grateful that your weakness made me strong."
My point exactly! Sometimes we're focusing on the bad sides of things when we can easily convert all the energy to doing something good. I know, I know, it's utter and complete bull to be all hippity hop every time something you planned didn't go your way, but no matter how wrong a situation may be, the response or reaction in your heart has to always be right.

One gloomy afternoon, a woman got fired from her work, got her stuffs cleaned up and left early. She was driving her way home from her office, got stuck on the traffic and she looked up realizing it's beginning to rain. She cried herself out of frustration thinking things couldn't get any worse. And yes, you guessed it, it actually did. Her car flashed a red sign, showing her that the car is about to run out of gas. So with the remaining gas that the car had, she pulled over. She thought if only she didn't go to work that day, if only she didn't got fired, she kept thinking about the "What Ifs" and regretted the things she did during the day. Then a shadow of a man holding an umbrella brought her back to reality and she opened her car window. The man, with a blue raincoat covering his stocky body, offered this lady some help. While accompanying her at the coffee shop at the gas station, they started to get to know each other, and long story short, the man who helped her out of the messy situation became her husband.

These two stories were based on actual events and I guess that's what made the impression that much memorable. Remember, no matter how wrong a situation may be, the response or reaction in your heart has to always be right.

Something that I learned from "The Amazing Race," which is a game show about groups made out of pairs traveling around the world trying to win challenges in each of the destinations, is that your true colors are shown when you're most uncomfortable about things, when something or someone is pushing your buttons.
Sometimes this chain of unlucky events is just a way of experiencing the things you should experience, meeting the people you should meet, or be in a place where you should be. The classic lesson of "everything happens for a reason." The great thing about our brain is that it works just as amazing as a computer or a laptop does. So if you were programmed to just think about the negative out of anything, it will result to the way you absorb informations in, causing you to react negatively. Imagine if you always turn the negative to a positive, because satisfaction comes from within, you can minimize the drama part in your family, of your friendship, or relationship. The perfect getaway from your negative side in life, is by constantly remaining in the positive.

Speaking of getaways, Levi's® is giving you and 3 friends a chance to win one of the four dreamy getaways of your choice by simply sending a video (2-5 minutes) about your own journey! Maybe your journey is about getting the sold out ticket to your idol's concert, or collecting every list of your figurine fantasy, or even climbing the highest mountain! There's no limit when it comes to your life journey, you make your pick, from the story you're about to bring up, to the holiday destination you want to win. Click here for details or follow @Levisid on Twitter for more info! Here are the 4 choice of destinations! Entries until 31 May 2011.



One of Indonesia's finest, Bali!

Maldives! Looks divine...



Phuket, golden sand and clear blue waters.



Vietnam! Don't you just want to dive in?


P.S: Can you guess which one would be my pick?

keep the faith
xoxox

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Peace of Mind

"My head is spinning but my heart is in the right place..."

And that is just a simple yet a very "spot-on" statement from one of the songs I listen over and over to in my High School days. I miss the old head-banging Ashlee Simpson. Where has the good ol' days gone? And now here I am laying helplessly on my bed, being grateful now that my internet has come to its senses that I haven't (properly) blog in so long, letting me (finally) type all this nonsense on my blog (slash diary sometimes). Not that I have much to say. I just have... Um, I don't know... 10 notes on my Blackberry that I haven't transferred to my laptop. Which I can't be bothered to do at the moment. Need to get my writing mood back. So for the moment, I'll just blab by myself until you block me forever from your internet access (yes, writers have the tendency of exaggerating how they really feel).

So many thoughts have been running through my mind. So many emotions that I can't even show which would best describe how I feel. Have you ever had so much to say but you just don't know how to say it? Like it's stuck on your throat and you want to do something about it but just don't know how? This is one of those moments where I wish I could see the future just to get the serenity for today. Just for today. One of those times in life where I completely let go of my steering wheel. I have to just believe where God is taking me. A few things I learned in the beginning of March are these things: There are still things you can find that worth so much more than money can buy. Happiness, just like trust, is a choice. And letting go is crucial, holding onto something that is uncertain is like grasping sand in the palm of your hands.


keep the faith
xoxox

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Burn to Learn

I don't know if it's just me, but sometimes I feel like I have to break down to tears to realize that maybe I'm not wonder-woman after all. I don't like being called a cry-baby, although most girls have a hard time hiding how they truly feel, I feel like I have the natural skills of not showing what I feel inside, which may come across as a bitter person, but it's just something I'm terribly good at (although it would backfire most of the time!).

Just because I'm good at hiding how I feel, I have a hard time ignoring my heart. I hate it when I have to fight against what I know and how I really feel. But then again, don't we all? And sometimes we ask others for advices which we already know, yet we need assurance that what we thought about was true after all. Even when I have all the things in the world to lose, I'll let my heart win. It's not always about love, sometimes life, in general, taught me that.

Knowing the truth and accepting the truth are two completely different things. Knowing means you don't fully acknowledge what's happening, whereas accepting means you completely grasp the idea and you're at ease with your mind. I love how I grew up learning that by the time my life is problem-free is the time where I'll be sleeping nicely in a coffin which constantly reminded me that life doesn't always give rainbows and butterflies, sometimes it's those thoughts late at night that made you twist and turn are the ones that you'll learn from. You know you're lucky when problems are heading to your direction, 'cause that's one of the things that indicate you're still present in this Universe, you're still here on Earth with a purpose. So I conclude it into one important life lesson; that maybe we have to crash and burn so we can live and learn.

Keep the faith

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Twenty Stars

Imagine us on the Sky Bridge seeing the city in front of us and those airplanes above us. Seeing the traffic below while sitting on a high aluminum green pipe, having our feet hanging and speaking our hearts out. I'll have a cake with no candles on it because instead of making 20 wishes and blowing 20 candles, I want you to wish on 20 stars tonight. Look where we are now.

It still amazes me how a stranger can turn into one of the biggest influences in your life. You're a charming and talented young man and I am very proud of you. You'll do great, with or without me. In case you're still wondering, I'm doing all this because if we don't get together, ever, I want you to remember me. I haven't officially wished you a happy birthday, so happy birthday.

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