Need to Know

I know the people who I want to address this blog to might not read it. But it's getting harder for me to bear, and I guess this is an alternative. An escape.

I used to do this in my first blog, in Multiply, I used to write the song that is accompanying me while I write, and now I'm going to start doing it again. So, recent song on play: Fix You- Coldplay.

Everyone has dealt with losing people, right? The hardest thing about losing the people that you love is seeing them with other people. It sucks knowing that the person you love moved on just a little quicker than you do. Because when you're with them, it's almost as if you're superhuman, and having to wake up in the morning, realizing that they're not there with you anymore, is a punch in the heart every time, it feels like you've lost your super powers. Saying, "I'm happy for you, now that you've found someone else in your life that makes you happy," is the biggest lie anyone could ever say to their loved ones. You're not happy seeing them with anyone else, as selfish as it sounds, you wish it was you, you wish they've never found anybody else but you. When your sweetest dream came true turned into a nightmare, makes it seem like you forgot how to dream again. I know how that feels because I've been through all of it. All, tiny, bit of it.



But what if the tables are turned, what if you're on the other side of the road? Knowing that someone still have feelings for the person you're starting something with, will you still do it anyways, will you go for it? Are you going to smile above someone else's pain? Are you going to choose your own happiness, knowing that you've taken theirs?

In my life I learned, that when you've experienced so much pain in your life, you'll get used to it. You forgot how it felt like to scar yourself, to tear your skin apart, or to bleed (And not that I've literally hurt myself). No matter how many times you say that you don't care, crying for it numerous amount of times actually let you know that you do give a damn. I may be numb after all those things that I've been through, but I'm not heartless. But, honestly, for once, I thought I could prove my heart that my brain was wrong.

Why can't I be normal just once in my life? Is this not enough crap I have to go through? Can I not fall for someone, and having no drama involved behind it, be happily attached to them? Is that really... REALLY... Too much to ask? Screw everyone who ever fell in love, screw those who said it's okay to choose to be happy, screw every butterflies in my stomach, screw every dreams I ever believed in. You know why being alone doesn't suck? It's because that way, nobody can ever hurt you. You know what... I'm done. Just leave me be.

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