Break-Ups

Recent song on play: The Scientist- Coldplay
(My iTunes is on shuffle, don't 'thank' me for the perfect background music to accompany me while I write...)

Again, I'm not an expert, I'm trying to write from what my friends have experienced and a couple of references came from articles and such. So, my apologies in advance if there might just be some opinions on this post that didn't feel relatable to the truth or to what you have experienced firsthand.

I think to sum it all up, the book title "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken" probably says it best out of any other words anyone can put together. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, because if it wasn't broken in the first place, a break-up is not necessary. I think these are the 3 things that occurred before the breakup takes place.

1. Felt the crack
When you're heading towards the end, you can usually feel the difference long before the break-up is going to happen. Something's changing, whether if it was your partner, or the inevitable situations happening around you, it just doesn't feel right anymore. Sometimes it's not always a big fight that made it clear, it can happen without any huge occasion to mark the change, it can be an unexplainable feeling, but you can feel it... Safe to say that you can already feel the crack. This is just the beginning of the end, if you were to end it later on, then you don't have to fight for it. But on the other hand, if you still have faith in your relationship, there can surely be no wrong in taking a stand about it.

2. The (hidden and painful) Silent Treatment
When you're experiencing the gradual changes, you have two choices, talk it out between the two of you or get closer to the edge of the cliff. What's sad is that sometimes you can't even find where the crack began, so it's easy for the two to just let it slip by and shake it off because you think time will heal the pain... But it won't. Your relationship is beginning to feel sensitive, like every small detail triggers the biggest arguments. Then you're starting to find out... There's just no reason to stay.

3. Calling It Quits
When other people ask you who broke down the news, it's easier to say that it was a mutual agreement, but that's the biggest lie a couple could ever make, of course one of you must have suggested the break-up or even bring it to surface, nobody has just magically read the other's mind and silently call it quits. You probably realized that it was for the best, or it might be a shocking gesture to one of the two, since they think it was still worthy to be saved. I think every relationship needs a little boost every once in a while, but it has to be done by two people, a one man effort won't cut it. The relationship is not worthy to be saved when one of you has stopped trying. My advice is this simple, when it's hurting, that's when the loving needs to stop.

Recent song on play: The Last Goodbye- James Morrison.
(Oh, trust me, this shuffle knows me too well, sometimes better than anyone else in the world.)

I might not have experienced an actual break-up, but trust me, I've been there. I've felt every punch in the heart every time a song comes up, or a picture that reminds me by, every inside jokes that made me drop a tear, every texts that I read over and over until I feel like calling the person and tell him I miss him; I've been through every miserable phase possible.

It is going to hurt, I know people who experienced break-ups have this need of hearing comforting words, but I want you to know the truth-- it's going to hurt like hell. Especially if it was your first love, knowing that the person who left has taught you so much on love, you see yourself spending the rest of your life together, all those things that fell apart and frightened you when they stepped out the door. You're going to see them online some place and they are not going to start a conversation with you, and you will want to call them. You're going to accidentally run into them some place at one point or another, and you're going to remember all the beautiful memories you've spent with them in past. It is going to be a struggle every time... All things around you just remind you of what used to be, almost like the Universe is making it hard for you to move on.

I think you should avoid talking it over and over and over to your friends, I learn that it can only make you feel worse, so find the friends that have been through the whole journey, or even the friends that even introduced you to your ex in the first place, cry your heart out but don't dwell in the heartache. It's easier if you would avoid talking to your ex's friends, that way you don't have to hear about their updated stories, like if they're going out with someone new or anything that can cause you to fall into a much darker place. If you want to hear the sad love songs, cry yourself to sleep, then get it out of your system, you'll feel better after doing all the things above than to hold yourself back and act strong all the time.

Try your best to cut off all kinds of communications that may tempt you to talk to your ex. Some people like to torture themselves by stalking their ex, in which I think would just complicate the whole thing even more, or you can try doing what I do, I'm an extremist, I delete or sorts of contact details that might make me want to start a conversation. Do the Ex-Wax. It's almost like waxing because it might burn a little bit at the beginning, but I can assure you that it will help you in a lot of ways after you deleted all contact details.

Do not look for rebounds. It will not solve your heartbreak, you're just covering the pain by numbing it, but when you're starting to feel again, it will hurt even worse. You're living in the sadness because you might feel you're never going to find someone who will replace your ex, that you're not worthy of someone better, but you are. Hopefully you'll learn a lot from your past relationship to make the next one count and make you more mature in a lot of ways.




keep the faith
xoxox

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