Giving Up for Good

Recent Song on Play: You And Me- Lifehouse
"Everything she does is beautiful... Everything she does is right."


I'm not the most updated person when it comes to Hollywood celebs, but one of my favorite TV Presenter, Giuliana Rancic (formerly known as Giuliana DePandi), who met her already proclaimed husband Bill Rancic-- a real-estate agent wonder and successful entrepreneur-- during a TV interview. I saw the first interview that she did with him, it was obvious that sparks flew from that moment on, turns out I was right, he asked her out after the interview was over. You might be familiar of him since he won the hit reality show by Donald Trump, The Apprentice. "I thought I was dreaming. It was the most amazing moment of my entire life. Not only is Bill the love of my life, but he's also my best friend. I couldn't believe my dream guy was asking me to marry him," Giuliana admits to PEOPLE Magazine. She said that she knew that he was the one because she always sees her Dad's eyes light up every time her Dad sees her Mom walk into a room, and Giuliana sees that in Bill. (That was so touching. And sweet.) How did Bill propose to Giuliana? I know it's not the moments that matter, but the memories. But come on, ladies, let's admit that things like this that you want to happen once in your lifetime to be memorable, so you might as well would want to take notes, boys.

Bill sent a limo to pick Giuliana up at the airport after arriving in Chicago from L.A. The limo dropped her off at a nearby helipad and Bill prepared her favorite pizza and champagne. I have to admit the pizza part was cute. Nice touch, Bill. He proposed to her while up in the air, touring around downtown Chicago on a helicopter ride. Then Bill took her to his apartment afterwards, a pool of rose petals was spread beautifully and to top to the already sweet day, he also prepared a chocolate cake for Giuliana.

She came a long way since her first earnings-- flipping flour in the kitchen; pizza dough, that is... And in one of my personal favorite pizza place, Domino's! Other than holding her wedding ceremony in Italy and earning around 7 million dollars a year from hosting and other incredible deals, Giuliana lives a pretty fabulous life.

Entering the first few years, they've already entered the point where their marriage is put to the test. One of the few things that made it hard for their marriage is Giuliana's life and career revolve around California, which is in the West Coast. While Bill, is the exact opposite. He's not into all the L.A party scene, he's more into a much slow paced city like Chicago, and it's a much better option for him since he's into the real estate business. So it was even hard to juggle all the schedules with them living in separate cities, the airport became one of their most visited places every week, if one of them is not giving up their comfort zones (Read: Ego), they won't ever find a way out.

One of the most tragic things that happened in their relationship is the miscarriage, following to the struggle for them to conceive a child. I can't imagine how hard it is for them to hear from the doctor that it would be a huge challenge for them to have children. It was devastating to watch how difficult it is for them to try and have children. Must have crushed their heart, knowing that the only thing they could ask for now is to have kids running around to their already lovely household. I really hope they'll be able to have children in no time. They're a deserving couple.

I guess no matter how smooth life may seem, trouble is always on the tail of every happiness, just to make life seem fair. But I'm happy to see that they've settled to a decision and Bill is giving up Chicago for Los Angeles to be with his wife. I guess you haven't experienced love if you've never fully sacrificed something. You can't expect your partner to always be the one who will take a step back for you, or even a much simpler example, who apologizes all the time. I guess it's tough for Bill to accept the fact that it's difficult for his wife to be able to give him babies, but hopefully he'll stick with her through thick and thin. Sometimes it's a challenge to be the bigger person that accepts things in troubled times. Giving up doesn't mean you're losing, it means winning yourself over your own ego. Life's always about sacrificing, even sometimes denying what you really want. You always put someone else's needs first before yours if you love someone. That's undeniable and unquestionable.


keep the faith
xoxox

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There's Gotta Be More to Life

There's so many things I need to get out of my chest and I don't see any better option of media than blogging. Please don't pay attention to anything I say if you don't agree. I just need a place where I know I can be me.

I know the definition of success to certain people vary. Either fame or money, whichever it may be, it depends on what people think they really need.
I feel lost. So many people's lives around me revolve around money. I know I sound like some kind of free-spirited hippie who cares more about world peace and living life to the fullest scenario, well I just feel it's weird how I don't see the world like most people do. You know what we need to change? What we really need to change is our definition of perfect. You know they say you're perfect when you have a huge amount of money, or like in the fashion industry, you're perfect if you're a certain size. But then again, have you ever really, and I mean-- really witness the definition of perfect in this world? Truth is, human can never be satisfied, it's in our nature. I remembered one of my favorite sayings: memento mori, which means, "Remember that you're mortal." (Sounds like a good tattoo option, I'm tempted... Kidding!) It's a reminder that we, too, at one point, will have an end to life. So people need to be realistic, not just materialistic.

Me? I learned that you don't have to have it all to be happy. I think what matters is when you look at yourself in the mirror, you can smile and you know it deep down, "I live a happy life." Why bother having a mansion if the sound of your parents fighting echo every night? Why bother having the most expensive and luxurious car if your husband shares it with another woman? There's no use of having it all if you feel deprived. I have everything I need... Family, friends, FOOD! You have everything when you have love. (AND I LOVE FOOD, I GUESS FOOD LOVES ME BACK *chews keyboard*) I may not have the best of everything in life, but at least it's safe to say that I never miss out on everything good.


keep the faith;')
...even at the hardest times possible!
xoxox

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Slowing Down

My heart is racing, I'm still pacing, chasing, where on Earth can love be found?
Spinning in and spinning out, so full of mystery, questions and doubts,
Step back just for a moment, deep breaths, inhale and get back down,
Rest your head for a while, can we please freeze this second somehow?
I'm trying, I'm trying... It isn't easy, but know that I'm trying...
Taking my time, don't rush this now, everything worth having is worth waiting for...
Everything worthwhile is never a walk in the park, everything worthwhile is blood, sweat and tears.
Hard work means determination, how ambitious can a person really be before they back down?
So what if you have me, would that make it any different?

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You Make Me Able

I'm not the most religious person, not the person with the least amount of sin, and even not a role model to other people my age, but everything that happened in my life is because of grace and His grace alone. None of the things that happened in my life would ever possible if it wasn't for Your love. I'm just grateful for whatever reason it is that made You believe that I can go on, even when I feel like I'm barely surviving not effortlessly living life.

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Better or Bitter

Recent Song on Play: Someone Like You- Adele
"Nothing compares, no worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"


The experience of love can make you a better or a bitter person. To me, so far, it has made me a more careless, rather numb, and somewhat a heartless human being. I hate seeing what I've become. I hurt people that have never had any intentions of hurting me, almost like wearing a suit made of knives, striking everyone who's trying to approach me. I like being alone because that way you can never hurt anyone. I just honestly don't see myself being loved by anyone; I mean seriously, how can someone love a person as miserable and impossible as I am? I've always thought of love as looking for someone who completes you, who fixes you as a puzzle... With me, the pieces aren't even complete, how can you possibly fix something that doesn't even have the whole set? I freaking frustrate myself, how can anyone ever stand me? I build walls and every time someone failed to break it down, I build a much harder wall to climb, even taller and thicker in time. I wouldn't want to date myself, let alone be near me. This is not some kind of disease, I just have a hard time trusting someone, people that left a mark didn't make it any easier for me. No need to play superhero here, I can't even save myself from me.

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Don't ever use someone's past against them. You're just reminding them of the mistakes that they made back then. If you watch their facial expression carefully, then you'll see the hurt in their eyes as they reminisce everything that happened.
Never use emotion as a weapon.
It strikes deeper than you can imagine.

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July Round-Up

Recent Song on Play: Love In This Club Part II- Usher ft. Beyonce
"I'm not hesitating I just don't wanna rush,
You could be anywhere you wanted but you decided to be here with me..."


We're heading towards the end of July. Before you know it, it's the last few months of the year, then it's 2012... Wow. What can I say, I learned a lot this year and one of the biggest lessons I can take is that expectations lead to disappointments. It's a good lesson, though; knowing someone as dull and stiff as I am need to learn how to be a little flexible and more spontaneous. Sometimes things that are unplanned are the memories that often last. None of what I hoped for this month actually came true, but the things that occurred are the ones that I never see coming. What I'm confused about now is this: Aren't dreams sort of like a long-term expectation? So, does that mean that dreams would never come true? And yet, most people are holding onto them even after knowing that there's a chance that it might not come true. I've read a wise saying that goes like this, "One cannot refuse to eat because there's a chance of getting choked." Of course it might not happen, or as you live life, your dreams might change. But then again, if you don't aim for something in life, why are you even living then? Things that are valuable can't be weigh by how heavy, how long, how good looking, or how much, because most things that you need to survive in life are often times those that you can't even grasp. Honestly I feel that it's better to make progress little by little every time, rather than being stuck in one place and not being able to move. The climb is much better than being at the top, 'cause when you get there, what else can you do but tumble down?



keep the faith
xoxox

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Kissed Eighteen Goodbye

Recent Song on Play: Born For This- Paramore
"It takes acquired minds to taste, to taste, to taste this wine..."


I am now... Officially 19. I'm actually pretty monotone and dull about birthdays, which made me seem like a heartless person for being so inexpressive. I know there's more than 18 people who have made my life such an amazing ride to be in, but I have narrowed it down to only 18 and wanna give a little shoutout these 18 people (Well, not actually 18, 'cause some numbers have more than 18 people... Oh, well.) who have been such great support, and making not only my birthday memorable, but also the passing days that went by. Please note that it is in no particular order whatsoever.

1. Jason Blake
What will I do without him. I'd tell him a couple of times, even more, that I'd be gulping on mosquito-resistant liquid if I was born as an only child. Mom and him sneaked a little present on my pillow when I was half asleep, and I can hear him say, "I feel like a Santa Claus," before putting it on my pillow. He listens well like a little child watches Sunday morning cartoons. And though I repeat stories or ask for advices over and over, he patiently dealt with me. He calms me down and he's the only guy that has seen me cry numerous times. Whoever gets to be my first boyfriend has to know that he'll always be the second guy in my life, because my brother is always going to be the first.

2. Christina Jennifer
One of the most important people in my family too, except that she's not in my core family, she's my cousin. She had a plan of taking me to the beach, because she knew how bad I wanted to go to Bali. Even though that didn't happen, I really love how she likes to plan things out. She should go and make her own event organizer. She is a loud and expressive person, the perfect example of what I am not.

3. Narendra Pawaka
I honestly have lost form of words when it comes to talking about this guy. He's not only the person that gets in my nerves for the strangest and most random things, but he is on the outstanding level of patience when it comes to dealing with me, which I can't find in just anyone, because trust me... I can be a lot of work to handle. He made a new blog out of our names combined that he introduced when the day changed from the 15th to the 16th of July, which is a little cheesy yet sweet, what better words to describe him than those two. My birthday became anything but the things that I want them to be. I wanted to stay in bed, do nothing and away from all social life, Blackberry, Twitter and et cetera to somewhat "meditate" in my room. It turned out to be way different. And can you imagine, I've only known him in less than a year? Find out more about what really happened on my birthday here.

4. Gilvina Gunardy
Funny how we even started off as enemies. Thank you so so much for the cupcakes, Mom loves it as much as I do! Your family has been a huge part of who I am today, thank you for showing me that you don't have to be related by blood to do the nicest, most life changing things. I see you as a sister and you're the best listener, friend-- and if I was a boy I'd be your lover-- and best there is, best I can ever ask for. Thank you for listening to the worst, most unimportant crap that I dump over and over and over. Thank you for being the person who I can talk to even at the most irrational hours in the morning. Yudabez.

5. Maria Widjaja
Thank you for making the voice note of karaoke-ing to Paramore's The Only Exception, just making me feel worse about not seeing the band in Bali... Kidding. You're one of the few people who gets me and what I go through, even knows me way better than myself sometimes. Thank you for having the idea of going to Bali and accompanying me to see Paramore even though you don't like them, but really, I wouldn't be that selfish to fulfill my own want and needs. Thank you for showing tremendous support and for not judging me based on the things that I've chosen in the past.

6. Stella Karyadi
You're one of the few people who can stay up for hours talking with me on the phone. Sometimes I wonder if my future boyfriend would be more jealous of you and my brother than other guys, since I spend most of my time talking to you guys. Thank you for the voice note of playing the Birthday Song on the piano. I miss singing on Chapel and other school events with you on the keyboard.

7. Alicia Deswandy
You, your crazy and major sugar consumer siblings (since you guys make it as if you all are in a sugar rush) are one of the highlights of my year. Thank you for being there during my lowest, for sharing half of your life with me and trusting me with so much in so little time. Thank you for the postcard that you brought from San Fransisco and the YouTube video of the birthday wish that you made with... *coughs*. I really do hope that even if there might be inevitable changes in the future, we'd change along for the better.

8. Poetry K Savitri
Fellow Cancer buddy... We might not be able to talk every day or see each other every day, but you're one of those people that make me smile by those little "coincidence" that happen between us. You're an awesome listener, and even a more awesome friend & song-trading buddy since I trust you with your music taste. I hope we get to do those To Do List that we plan to finish in the future!

9. POTENZIO
Iky, Den Mas, Ecol, Dika and Ry. The 5 guys who know me well by not knowing me, as in by listening to... Um, stories from your beloved vocalist? Either way, I'm thankful to know each and every one of you talented young men, I do wish all the merry and great things for your future, both personally and profesionally. Thank you for the birthday surprise, you guys are definitely my newfound family.

10. The LaPiazza Bunch
Thank you for Deva, Sarah, Tata, Gita, Dhara, and other people that I see in almost every Friday that I can't say one by one. I know one day everything might change and it will be just a memory, but I hope we can all look back and say, "Those were the days..."

11. Jesse Tirayoh
Thank you for being a great sport. For being the best Skype buddy when I don't feel like talking to anyone, you know how to just make me smile. Best present of all was that video that you made with Johnny and Brian (Featuring Melody), you guys are the best. I literally had to pause the video and grab tissue since it was so touching. If any of you readers want to see, come see here!

12. SOT Class of 2007
Thank you for Ruth, Melody, Jessica, Kevin, Christopher, Jonathan, Nicholas and other SOT classmates that never really changed throughout the years and for growing a much stronger friendship day by day. I am more than honored to have met all of you.

13. Curhat & Gossip buddies via BBM
To Andrea Adi Guna, Sonia Eryka, Cindy Karmoko, Andrea Gunawan, Duta Prawira, Pisok Michael, Edward Benjamin, Franky and other people that I talk to at my dark days and giving me the best advices. I know we rarely see each other, even some of you I might never even seen in real life! But, I must say, thank you for the unforgettable conversations that really helped me through.

14. Yuqqe Macdalena
Yuqqe, I might not be there when you need me the most but I can just never forget the firm friendship that we once (and hopefully will always) shared. You're both the competition in class and the best friend after class. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of friendship, and I hope you'll do amazingly in Germany, living up to your dreams. Nothing is, still, ever impossible.

15. Adrienne & Sabrina Winarto
The duo that made quite an "argument" on my Facebook wall, debating after wishing me a happy birthday, blaming one another on who's being a copycat for wishing me a happy birthday first. They were just always the two cousins that are very loud and funny. Every time I visit Australia, they come up with the best pranks and know just how to make me cry! But their the nicest people in the world, always bought my favorite snacks (Including ice cream!) and showed me around. I still wear the bracelet with my name on it that they gave me for my 16th birthday. But the blue Mickey Mouse mp3 you gave me for my birthday present is now just a history.

16. Felicitas Nordt
I know we rarely talk to each other due to the busy schedule and different time zone, but every time you pay a visit to Jakarta, it's always a memorable one. Thank you for being so nice and how can I ever forget the huge jar of Nutella that you brought me, best souvenir ever! Hope I can celebrate my birthday in Germany one day.

17. Mba Ati
You're probably someone that I pay more respect to more than my Mom. Thank you for taking care of me ever since the first day that I opened my eyes in the Universe. Thank you for being the person who taught me how to cook, how to clean and even how to love someone. You believed in me more than anyone ever could and I see of you as a fairy godmother. You have just been the best supporter to what I want to do and I know God sent you from above for a purpose. I'm sorry if I haven't done enough to repay what you've done in the past, but once I get the chance to do it, I will.

18. My blog readers
Last, but definitely not least... These awesome people who would take the time to read my blogs! I'm sorry to have not mention your names, I'm not the best in memorizing people's names, bad habit, I know. And to have spared a minute or two to wish me a happy birthday on Twitter or Facebook. You guys are truly amazing. Funny how you can see clearly through the blur and even though I may not know where everything that I do leads to, but your support and feedbacks are the ones that kept me going.

I know I sort of sound like someone who just won the Oscars, but honestly, meeting (or in some cases, knowing) each and every one of you is such an amazing blessing, tops any other awards in the world:') Even for now, I thank you-- from the bottom of my heart-- for reading. Thank you for the BBM's, mentions on Twitter, walls on Facebook, promise to reply them one by one as soon as I find the time. Forgive me if there's anything I've done in the past that might have accidentally offended you or even something I purposely have committed. Guilty as charged, I'm just another ordinary human being. As much as I wanna be alone in my life, the honest and frank truth is always this-- that actually other people that came and go are the ones who pulled me through.


keep the faith
xoxox

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Last Teen Years

Recent Song on Play: Moves Like Jagger- Maroon 5 (feat. Christina Aguilera)
"If you wanna steer, well I'm shifting gears, I'll take it from here."


I don't need cake since I have enough fat to get me through winter. Honestly I can't put my wishlist for the world to see like how some people could write, "Ooh, I want a new phone for my birthday," or "I would love a new Porsche for my birthday," not that there's anything wrong with wanting those things on your birthday, but my definition of presents is overflowing love from my family and friends which help me survived; those are the most wonderful gifts ever existed. At the age of 18, I'm more focused than ever, being trusted with work and responsibility way beyond my age, I'm just simply thankful, and yet I still feel like the word 'thankful' is such an understatement. Highlights and lowest points? I would need another post to tell you one by one. I fell in love, fell out of love, learned to open up again. I've always thought my life is full of drama, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, but it just can't seem to get enough of me. I'm beginning to think that if my life was turned into a soap opera, it would be a huge hit. Well, it's not as tragic or dramatic as Manohara's, but still... Ratings wouldn't disappoint. Well I've always seen birthdays from a bitter point of view, what can I say, it's a bitter world, and having to give up my second-last teen year, age of 18... Before going to the very last teenage year, 19... Gah, even I feel old typing about it. Before I knew it, it's 20, then it's pressure to have a steady career, then it's pressure to share the rest of your life with someone that you both can't stand and can't live without. I met an old friend of mine, Stella, who just came home for her Uni break from Melbourne. It's been a good 7 years of friendship, and she's one of those people that could have been out of sight for a couple of years and yet when you meet, nothing changes, you still have the best conversations, going out is always a fun thing to do. You talk about the past, fantasize about what the future would be like, sometimes go a little crazy with food, but then there's moments where you have deep conversations and it finally hits you that this kind of people are the ones that we need to hold close. Like Jesse, another good friend of mine, I think of him almost like a brother. One minute Skype conversation can turn my day around. He listens well and he has his own ways of making me smile, feels like he knows me too well. It's been more than 5 years since I last saw him before he moved to the States, yet our bond grew stronger day by day. We don't talk much and sometimes we just goof around, but I guess even distance shouldn't be in the way of something as important as friendship. Funny how friendship can start, it can be built from the strangest way possible. For example, this girly named Alicia Deswandy, I met her in just a short amount of time, yet it's safe to say that she's my other half. At first glance, I didn't even think that she likes me, but then when I get to know her, it's clear that she knows me better than friends I have known for gazillion of years, or even people that are related by blood! I trust her and what I find amazing is that she not only understands the things that I say (which I already find splendid!), but she also understands the unspoken statements that I hid deep down inside. I realized that those who matter are not about whom you have known the longest or cares the best, it's about who came and never left. They stick through thick and thin, knowing that they could leave away at any given moment, yet they won't leave you astray. It's a beautiful; gives you this peaceful feeling inside your heart. So, I guess how hard I pray or wish that I can stop or turn back time, I'll be 19 in just a couple hours time... Well as long as the people that I need are always going to be there, bring me another 19 good and memorable years!



keep the faith
xoxox

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The Blame Game

It's easier to blame someone for a fault that has occurred in the past than to say your sorry, it's hard to even admit that it's your fault in the first place. And it would be so wrong to blame my parents on what situation I am in right now, but I guess the insecurities grew rapidly after the things that happened in my past. I've experienced living alone not too long ago, I thought I would never survived living away from home, all by myself, but I miraculously did... Somehow, honestly, I kinda like it. Maybe being "forced" to be independent from a young age mold the person I am today. And I look forward to living all by myself in the future. Not with anyone in the picture, just me... Living happily. Alone. Far from drama and all other stupid arguments. I make the call, I take care of myself. I know it'll get tough when I get ill or something unfortunate comes up, but I know I'll find a way out, like I always do, somehow, little miracles kept happening in life, and those are the things I rely on on my every day life. I sound rather pathetic, but believe it or not, I'm smiling about it. That actually sounds like the best adventure I can ever live. Freedom doesn't mean partying all night long and getting drunk or do stupid things, freedom means being liberated by all means, pursuing your dream, starting from zero, and you do it wholeheartedly because you know what you want and how to get it. It is true how I once read, "It doesn't matter who you were born as, it matters who you'll become."

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So Simple

Bring me back to the days where falling in love is as simple as giving someone your favorite crayon. The furthest to getting your heart broken is when your favorite drawing was torn into two. The person who teases you at lunch time is still the same person you dream of at nap time. Sharing your snacks, queuing for class, field trips at museums. Back then life seemed more simple, carefree. Do you remember the first person who has a crush on you? I remember mine. His name is Hanscent. He's the smart guy in class and I don't know what it is or I'm being way too easy to please, but I remember he always has the ability to make me laugh, and that habit lives on-- liking someone back for his adorable ways of making me giggle at the silliest things, one of my weakness I conclude. I remember he gave me a little phone book for my birthday; it was white and has three little hearts on the cover up front. He didn't have the courage to give it to me, so he gave his babysitter to give to my babysitter and when asked why he gave me that little phone book, as silly and innocent as kindergarten kids were, he replied, "Cause she's my prettiest friend in class." I kept the phone book for years and hoped that we'd meet after few years parting in Elementary... But we never did. Just like how every guys in my life ended up, he remained nothing more but a memory.

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Darkest Just Before Dawn

Recent Song on Play: Turn It Off (Acoustic)- Paramore
"I scraped my knees while I was praying and found a demon in my safest haven,
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything..."


Feels like forever since I last blog. So I much I want to say, yet so little words to portray the way I see things. Just not the best days of the year. I swear to God this is not PMS, it's far more of a serious issue than that. Sometimes you're so unhappy with things, people think you'll get over it when in fact you just won't. You say no to yourself so much that it hurts you when you have to say no to the things you really want to say yes to. Just because you've been strong your whole life, doesn't mean it makes you immune to hurt yourself. And deep down you realize, no matter how much you want people to understand what you go through, nobody can really get it. No one really asks what you want, of course they want to know, but just as an obligatory question, like "How are you?" or "Is everything in life okay?" But well, we all know the answer to those questions 'cause we would like to cut to the chase, don't we? Well, since I've hit the bottom, there's no other way but to go up... Right? Oh, who am I kidding.

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I Question Myself

Recent Song on Play: Lonely Lullaby- Owl City
"But I'm holding fast because it's darkest just before the dawn,
I sang my princess fast asleep,
'Cause she was my dream come true..."


It's excruciating to keep some facts to yourself. Being given the reliability card by people, it is extremely hard to make up your mind when your ethics, morals and standards are being put to the test. Sometimes I lower my standards to fit in, that way I don't completely lose what I believe in, but sometimes I have to adjust with others' beliefs, because I know I can't just force what I believe in deep down inside, when other people have walked a different path in life. I know it's wrong to put someone's past against them, because I know that you can't change the past, but it's still somewhat hard 'cause I can't really seem to accept that it's forever a part of them. It's both fortunate and unfortunate at the same time how life might turn out. There's people who are changed by you, and then there's people who changed you. One moment you hold onto what you've known all along, and then the next minute you might see life from a different light and suddenly everything is a big question mark. All that you hold on for so long, you have to give up for people who don't hold the same standards in life. Isn't it funny how a 10 minute talk stay in your memory for decades? How you think life is a breeze and then come all this different points of view and you're starting to ask which one is real? Would you create harmony with other people, or with yourself first? I'm afraid I might be just hallucinating. Like how love is most of the time, sometimes it's an illusion, what you think you know inside. So, tell me... If what you know holds the power to hurt the people you love... Will you still let them know?

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Falling Out of Love

Recent Song on Play: The Only Exception- Paramore
"And that was the day that I promised, I never sing of love if it doesn't exist..."



15th July 2005-

The decision was final, the divorce is now official. The separation, at one point, did bring me to tears; but there's nothing I can do about it. The divorce taught me a lot, how to nurture a relationship, maintain a healthy friendship, the do's and don'ts that make you and your partner fall more and more in love with each other. But I guess some thing you can't change and some change you can just never guess.

There's a story that I recently came across, from a broadcast message (which I don't usually pay attention to, but this one somehow caught my eye) about a couple who didn't have the privilege of having children. After 10 years of waiting patiently, they finally had a baby boy. One morning, just like any ordinary morning, the wife was cooking inside the kitchen with the toddler who just learned how to walk running around nearby. The husband, about to head off to work, looked for his son to say goodbye. He was stunned by the view he had witnessed before his very own eyes, his son was holding a bottle in his hand, but he knew that it's not milk that he drank. It was a bottle of medicine for adults and his son has overdosed. They both were shocked to the bones and immediately brought him to the hospital to seek some help. By the time they got there, it was too late. The husband hugged his son so very tight, not wanting to let go, as he held his son's feeble arms close. When the two parents are staring lightly into space, can't really accept what just happened, the wife felt terribly guilty about what happened, blaming herself as she thought she should have been more attentive to her son, this mistake was avoidable. The husband said three words, and three words only. Can you guess the three words?

"I'm with you." Those three words brought this woman to tears. And that's how every relationships are supposed to be... Through the ups and downs, you're suppose to try and get through it, and trying is as simple as standing beside them. There's no point in seeing their mistakes or bringing up the past, what's done is done, you can't change it.

I thought my Mom and Dad was going to make it through whatever, but boy, was I wrong. Distance started to take a toll on them and it was a little sad for me to witness the blur. Something always goes wrong days before my birthday, and this is probably the "biggest" birthday present ever, a day away from my 13th birthday. Which made me used to think that sometimes my birth was a mistake. Now I'm more content, I suppose. Thinking about the could have, should have, would have's would be endless. There's no need in opening old chapters, we're supposed to make new ones.

"Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can't believe that ours didn't go on forever."
- Nicholas Sparks



keep the faith
xoxox

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P.D.A

I'm sorry, it's just a little inappropriate to show the whole world pictures of you locking lips or "getting it on." Love is not all about the physical contact, and even if it has something to do with physical contact, you don't have to do it in front of the whole Universe, we don't need to see you making out. Relationship is built solely by two people, and two people only, in my honest opinion, it's unnecessary to show everyone. You're madly in love, I get it, but separate yourself from civilization before getting way too friendly with your partner. You can't just put lust on display.

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I was, but then I realized that I was holding on to something that didn't exist anymore.
That the person I missed... Didn't exist anymore.
The things we like and dislike change.
And we can wish they wouldn't all day long... But that never works.

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Love Endures

Recent Song on Play: Bound to You- Christina Aguilera
"Suddenly the moment's here, I embrace my fears,
All that I have been carrying all these years, do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall?"


They say when you love someone, set them free, if they return back to you, then they're yours, if they don't, then it was never meant to be. But if they're out of reach and you had a chance to prove it yourself, will you take it? Will you go for the person who has your mind thinking that this person is the one?

I learned that there's obsession, and then there's love. The two might look similar to another, but there's a fine line that sets these two apart. Being obsessed with someone is when you keep questioning what will it be like if you guys are together, and you have a thing with this person, but it is what it is-- just a thing for him. When you're finally together, you'll start to wonder if it was even real from the start. But when it's love, you'll go up and above, down and beyond, because when it's real love, it endures. Sometimes the signs are there all along, it's your call to see it and take it or if you would rather just ignore it. The one thing you'll have to remember about love is that you don't force it to happen, it just does.

To me the thing that makes me sure of someone is the "click factor" that you just don't get from anyone. It feels different from the feelings that you get around other people. For example, there's this one guy that you don't feel a click with, even when you hold hands or rest your head on his shoulder, it doesn't feel the same with the guy who you would just be standing next to and feel 180 degrees differently on the inside. I, call me naïve for doing so, rely on that alone. It's not butterflies, it's something unexplainable that really assure you out of anything else in the world. I've even had a personal experience of proving myself if this guy was really someone I'm in love with. I took a 3 weeks trip to Australia, which I intend to prove myself once and for all if it was real, and I don't live in a family of abundance, I'm amazingly blessed, but honestly, I don't come from an extravagant living background. And trust me, it cost me a lot of trouble, don't ask how many problems I deal with with my Mom, and even on top of that, I only had a day to spend my time with the person I followed for my feelings, but it was worth it.

It didn't end well, we didn't end up as lovers but on the bright side, we decided to stay good friends. It taught me that sometimes it's okay to end up as friends, because it last. Well if it's the one powerful thing that you'll ever get to see this person forever, this friendship going on, I honestly don't mind. But you'll never know what the future holds, right? Sometimes you just have to prove to yourself even if it's a mistake, but making a wise decision is of high importance. Whatever it is that you're trying to prove, set your mind up front, because no matter how you'll end up, remind yourself that you never regret decisions that you once were strongly passionate about. Love is a beautiful thing. It makes the impossible possible.


keep the faith
xoxox

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Cinderella walked on broken glass,
Sleeping Beauty let a whole 'lifetime' pass,
Bella fell in love with a hideous beast,
Pocahontas risked her life for a feast,
Jasmine could have had anyone, but instead chose a poor man,
Ariel, she walked on land,

Blood, Sweat and Tears,
Love is about facing your biggest fears.

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The Wolverine Season

Recent Song on Play: Sweet Goodbyes- Krezip
"Wake up, the sun's shining bright lets go out of bed into the light,

Shape up, we won't forget still there's lots of love left to hold tight"


The term is made by a male friend of mine for us females who deal with period every friggin month of our lives, and I guess it best describes our sudden "transformation" when it comes around. I'm not having my period right now but it's the beginning of the month and I can sense it coming. I know, the pain can get a little out of control sometimes, and we have to get through the day, knowing we still have to deal with unpredictable and ongoing pain in our stomachs. Men don't deal with what women deal for a minimum 4 to 5 consecutive days each and every month, not to mention the suddenly-there pimples, the ascending appetite, and last but not least, the irrefutable mood swings. Most of my girl friends who talk about or share their problems with their boyfriends slash crushes or whatever, they either have negative thoughts, or create assumptions in their heads, are having their period or are just about to have their period. Even a simple bad day can push people over the edge. Which leads me to the conclusion that girls on PMS are at a very unstable state. That's why PMS can also be short for Perpetual Mood Swings, which leads to... Pushing Man's Sanity.

I'm a little torn into two. I mean, in a way, I can't deny the fact that woman wants to be understood at this time of the month because everything just seem like it's going downhill when this "wolverine season" comes around, but then again, you can't really act like a brat and make everyone understand what you're going through, sometimes you have to suck it in. I'm not a doctor who can explain what goes in a woman's brain or body when she's having PMS, but I guess you can't really blame it on the hormones. I think you can never have the right reason or excuse to treat other people like crap, and although I do it too sometimes, but I entirely realize that it's wrong and that realization makes me feel like a jerk most of the time. I don't think you could just get away with being a total diva because you "happen" to have been experiencing PMS. That's like being okay that someone is cheating on you because they feel rather lonely. I mean I get it, it's as if girls aren't complicated enough with this issue to add up the drama. Men have a lot to deal with, the constant nagging and bitching can drive guys a little nuts sometimes. Girls are a little delusional as wolverines, we don't make sense when we're turning into this monthly beast. But I guess that teaches men how to deal patiently with women, how to handle them at their worst, so you know you're with the right man when he can handle you on your period days. And as for women, see it this way, it's a constant reminder that you too, at one time or another, will become complete by the time you conceive a living human being inside of them.



keep the faith
xoxox

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Less is (Definitely) More

Recent Song on Play: Say It Again- Marie Digby
"...and never in my whole life have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name"


Hello, July. Not the most anticipated month of the year to be completely and utterly honest with you. But then again, when you expect nothing, life's always a surprise, so life... Surprise me. (DEAR LIFE... THAT'S A RHETORICAL STATEMENT, NOT A CHALLENGE!)

I've heard and seen that a lot of people who enjoy life in luxury actually turned into the most cruel people in the world. Then what's the use of it? You live in abundance and yet your soul is empty. I learned that sometimes when you have it all, you lost track of what actually mattered. Many people take things for granted because they think they will never lose it. The one thing you have to always remember to make things last is that it might be gone in a matter of seconds. Like your parents, we might not be the nicest kids who do whatever things as told and listen to whatever advices that are given, but when you lose them, it would still tear you apart, no matter how okay you think you might be without them. Or to a lover, someone out there can always love them better than you do, do a lot better than you ever could, and it's not to make you think negative thoughts, but I'm saying that guess what? They can always walk away any time of the day, so don't see things with just half an eye.

I learned that even when you seemingly have it all, you might always lack one important thing in your life. Something that is too much is not good. Water is a good example. When you have just enough, it's good for the farms, and all the plants in general. But too much water can cause a tsunami, that might even destroy all the beautiful surroundings (I know, I realize that I go overboard when it comes to imagination and illustration sometimes). So to me, having just enough is good enough, it keeps you grounded. For instance, less make-up makes you look more natural. Or! Less fat makes you look slimmer and definitely healthier. Less stress makes you do your ultimate best. Less drama makes you a lot happier, and free from pressure or any kind of tension. Less ego makes your relationship a lot easier and of course smoother. Less fabric makes you look a lot sexier. Well, every example is true except maybe for the last one.



keep the faith
xoxox

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