A Night Of War

It was terrible chaos. The clear blue skies turned into grey and loud noises resounded the atmosphere. Piercing bullets spiraled around and the still silence turned into blaring sounds of tears. They try to hurt somebody but they're hurting themselves. The wound seemed so evident but no white flag appeared in sight. Seeking answers and truth, but nobody is doing it right. The moon witnessed the blazing gun and outpouring of blood, when the only thing that was supposed to be shed was their ego.

The aftermath is the hardest part. You look around and realized what was lost. How much pain it cost. You win some, you'll lose some. The question now is, "Was it worth it? Was it all worth it?" Just how much you've lost in a matter of one night? You start questioning what was the reason of all the mayhem and realized it wasn't as important as the result that had followed. The undeniable truth is how hard it is to pick up the pieces again. Collecting what is left of the rubble and making them worth something. Making something out of nothing. It may seem useless. But you should never give up hope. There still is hope.

The dawn is at sight. The night is over. The war is over.

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We're (L)Over

You win some, you'll lose some. Happy endings are just a matter of fairytale, too good to be true to ever happen or come true. Isn't it ironic? How you picture relationships to be all rainbows, butterflies, but when you crash and burn, you realize that there's so much to learn.

Sometimes love is like a poem. You can't really understand unless you're the writer of the poem itself. You might get the idea or understand the point, but you can never get the complete picture unless you underwent the whole process. People see the good in love but they never witnessed the bad. That's why everybody knows... But nobody really knows.

If you push me away, I will drift apart,
If you stop me now, I won't even start,
If you don't hold back, I will try to let go,
If you say you care , why can't you let it show,
If you push the envelope, I will burst into tears,
If you press the wrong buttons, you'll regret it for years,
If you won't change your ways, I'm not going to argue,
If you hate me now, I always will love you.

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Beauty Of Not Knowing

I went out of bed with my pair of socks on. It has always been my habit since... I can't quite remember when, maybe not less than the 3rd grade. I brought my blanket with me, carrying it on my hips as if it was the train on a wedding dress. Then it popped inside my head. Has it always been my dream, though? To get married? Being legally confined with a person and trying to give my whole life and devotion? I guess I have always had something else in mind when it comes to marriage. The cause and effect of my parents' divorce, you might ask? Maybe. Maybe ever since I was little I have never had the perfect picture of two different genders living together in harmony and that's why that is not what I had in mind.

Different. It's always been different. People meet me and they assume I live some normal life, that is until they get to know me and it's always the same thought, "Wow. I never would have thought you could have gone through that much. And at the age of 19? You've experienced what others would take a lifetime to learn, and you learned it before you even reached half the lifetime of a normal person." Normal. As if I have lived one normal day in my life. Everyone has a pattern, right? Growing up, college, marriage, death. Mine? I'm not sure if I have one. If everyone's life was a form of art, you could say mine is the abstract creation.

Life has been anything but certain. On the bright side, though, it's never out of balance. Take my love life, for example. Every heartbreaks made me stronger and a little bit smarter than I was before. 'Cause when I fall, I try not to give my all, so I got nothing to lose as a whole. Although sometimes I thought about what will happen if we've never met, if I wouldn't have taken the chances, what if, what if. But you know what, living based on what ifs won't get you far. What ifs are endless.

Sometimes I thought to myself that it's better if I don't know. Little children are the happiest because they don't know a thing or two about life. They live a life of innocence, a happy life free from all worries. But when you know, you'll learn. You learn that life is an adventure. The beautiful thing about living life of an adventure? It comes back to the fact that I don't know what will happen next. The beauty in believing that even when it all gets rough and the situation is tough, what counts is the courage to make it through. So keep pushing through.



keep the faith
xoxox

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Break A Leg!

Just like how any good journalism strategy works in the media biz, the headline of the story caught my eye. “I Want to Punch Adele in the Face!" did not only grab my attention, but to see this coming out from a diva that was no stranger in the Billboard charts and the Grammy awards, I got myself questioning: "What could possibly be her issue with Adele? Could this be another catfight in the music industry?" I put an end to the wondering in my mind and so I decided to investigate a little further.

Her story is one of those 'rags to riches' kind among the La La Land clan. She is in preparation of a new album, and when you hear her on the radio, you can definitely pinpoint her powerful vocal pipes. Admitting that her biggest hit worldwide is ‘Because of You' and even admitting that when you hear it you may as well grab a knife because it was the most depressing song ever written.

As any girl who has had her heart broken, I think all girls would agree that the song that recently became the "Depression Anthem" or as I call it-- the suicidal song, is Adele's hit single, Someone Like You. “I want to punch Adele in the face! She is just too good," admitted Kelly in one of her recent interview on The Guardian. There is no doubt that Adele's existence all over the radio and other media like YouTube is popularly sought after. Safe to say that Adele is laughing all the way to the bank while she got Kelly a run for her money. But can you picture both of them collaborating on another gloomy song to add to the "Depression Anthem" playlist? No question; the answer to that would be a heeeeeck yes.

When it comes to winning the first and inaugural season of Idol, I thought of Kelly Clarkson as the "lab rat" of the show, since it was just coming out, had no idea of the success she would achieve in the years to come, but boy, I was proven wrong. "My goal was just to be a backup singer — I never intended to be in front." I can definitely relate to Kelly's side of the story. She even auditioned without any thoughts in mind that she'd bring home the grand prize, or even thought it would mean anything to her. All she knew is that her apartment burned down and she had to move.

Talented, outspoken and down-to-earth. Now, that's my kinda girl.


keep the faith
xoxox

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Love Is Tragic, Love Is Magic

Recent Song On Play: Thinking Of You- Katy Perry

Judging by the poetic view of the title, you might think this will be a deep one, but no. This is just another blab I will be doing on another random and strictly ordinary post. We have a place where we can pour our hearts out and not really think twice 'bout it, don't we? Or maybe a person? Someone you can turn to when all gets dark and you don't have the strength to go on? Does a name or a face surprisingly pop in your mind?

Love might seem futile, makes you feel fragile. It knows no place, nor does it know time. It just happens, so grand and sublime.

...Uh, Earth to self, I thought this wasn't suppose to be deep?

Excuse my thoughts. I might be a little out of place, so to speak. Yet, love is a lot like what just happened. You can't really plan it. You can't really hold it back. You can't really predict it. But when it hits you, it hits you so very hard. But when it goes wrong, you feel lost. Almost forgotten why you even took that path in the first place.

I have this friend of mine who is a decent and an extremely kindhearted person. She's nice, very outgoing; passionate about things she does. Fell in love, but had to deal with one of the hardest obstacles in relationships-- distance. For education purposes, he had to leave abroad. She waited patiently. In fact, she had so much faith in their relationship. All is well until the long-awaited boyfriend returns after three years. He broke the news. She broke down to tears.

He returned to tell her that he's getting married with someone else from the place where he has been. What's even worse is that he told her that he's having his first child. Honestly, I, as frail as I can be, would honestly be crumbling into pieces right at that same moment as I hear those words come striking down on me. That experience brought a new meaning to relationships to this friend of mine. She became a little traumatic, but now has found love and gained trust to try falling in it again.

Another friend of mine-- a little more rebellious than the first one-- has trouble settling down. But finally, after a couple of broken hearts and maybe a few wrong turns, she settled with this one guy. The guy had issues from previous relationships too and also have a few things in common; such as trouble with settling down. I asked my friend what kept her going, for almost 8 years, didn't she had trouble with making it work in her previous relationships? What changed her? She said, "Nothing changed really." I was a little puzzled. "I just finally got it," she continued. They ended up at the altar, even now I just knew that a baby is coming her way!

A new understanding dawned on me. It's not all about the physical contacts or sweet poems your partner is obligated to do. Not the amount of flowers, or the ongoing logs of phone calls that you have. Not about how many guys do you have to forget or hanging pictures you get rid of. The thing is, love is something divine. Most of us don't get it. We often times question why we get our hearts broken, or even got introduced to all the jerks and heart breakers in our lives. Just remember this: God created enough happy endings for all of us.


keep the faith
xoxox

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Don't You Get It?

Recent Song On Play: The Last Goodbye- James Morrison

Yes, I am jealous. I get jealous too. I hate to admit that maybe I'm just a girl, what can I say? I make ridiculous scenarios in my mind that I'm not supposed to. No, it's not okay sometimes even when I say that it is. I know it's something simple that I complicate, but I get insecure too. A little concern of what might or could happen. I don't like competition, there I said it. Not when I'm not around. I compare myself to other girls, which make the thoughts worse. Jealousy is my bruised ego talking. I just feel like I have to win your heart over and over... And I hate to feel that way, 'cause I feel that maybe someday I might lose you to someone else. Yes, all this revolves around thinking that I might lose you, which means I don't want to, you idiot. Don't you get it? Maybe I just want to be your choice all the time, even when other options came around. You know, I wanna be that girl you fall for... When everyone else is falling for you.

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"Regrets and mistakes, they were memories made..."

The moon shimmered through my window as the lights have dimmed 'cause of the late hours. I sunk myself into the deep pile of blanket and lay my head on my pillow, but my eyes can't seem to compromise and shut themselves; for the brain had so many things to think about. I've read before that the most effective time to think about things is just right before we go to sleep. No wonder I remember most of the things that I forgot a few hours ago when I was just half asleep. A mix of emotions and flustered mind didn't make it easier for me to rest and call it a day. The atmosphere was perfect to reflect on things before I end the night, safe to say that the weather and timing was just right.

"It's almost New Year's again. How far have I gone this year? What about next year," I thought to myself. If there's one thing I learned in October- is to be a lot more attentive and a little less careless or disorganized like the same old unguarded girl I've always been. Girl. I wonder if I really ever was a female. Funny how I realized how much things have changed, but when I look at it all again, everything is pretty much the same.

Wake up calls can come from anywhere, but one of the recent knock-on-the-head I've had is from a new gadget. I planned to give protection to it but since I procrastinate in doing so, even in less than 2 weeks, the scratches that result on the unprotected back of the gadget just showed me how impetuous I can become sometimes. When I asked for help to a professional to give it protection, she commented, "You just had it less than a month and this is how it turned out already?" Yes, I know. Don't have to rub it all in again. And also... My phone. I guess I've always been notorious for being incautious in keeping my stuffs. I spilt liquid on it, gave it quite a few bungee jumps and even got close to losing it a couple of times.

But I learned. I took it as a learning experience. That to be a better person, I can't be this negligent for the rest of my life. I thought that as long as it doesn't do nobody any harm, I'm doing it right. But I'm not doing a favor to myself. How can I take care of other things, let alone other human beings, if I don't really care about myself? I have to consider about other things also, especially if I'd want to share half of my daily life with another flawed being too.

I guess it's not how much we have changed in the past year, but the change itself is the thing that made it important. Change to become better. The smallest change to me is significant, one change can mean a lot, can take a toll in one's life. But baby steps are always better than no steps at all. That's just how human beings are, we have to make mistakes to realize just how much is lost and how wrong we've gone... But in the end, no regrets.


keep the faith
xoxox

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Why You Suck

Getting to know someone sucks. It's like going back to base one, but deep down you wish you could have hit a homerun. Isn't it annoying, how you let your guard down, tell them everything you swore yourself you'll never tell anyone, but yet you still give it a try. You don't only give them a piece of your life, but as time passes by, you give them a piece of your heart. Once they have access to your heart, they gain instant permission to break it into a million pieces. Though you tried staying away, you can't just runaway. When you know the ugly and undeniable truth, you still make exceptions. Even after the things you've went through before, we tend to think the same, "This one could make the change."

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Cataleya: You have 50 seconds. Enough for three questions.
Danny: What's your real name?
Cataleya: Cataleya.
Danny: Like the flower?
Cataleya: Yes.
Danny: Will my little bird ever come back?
Cataleya: I don't know... We'll have to see.

Silence.

Cataleya: Twenty seconds. Last question.
Danny: I love you.

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Synchronize

Recent Song On Play: All We Ever Needed- Rush Of Fools

Everything is always easier said than done. We can have all the right theories in our brain but if we have no idea how to execute it then it's pretty much useless. What's hard is when you know how to do it, you're equipped with knowing how to do all this things, but you seem pretty helpless with all the information.

The funny thing is, if we try too hard, we will most likely fail at the attempt. I learned these days that when I try too hard not to fail, I mess everything up. I get too caught up into thinking not to fail, but I actually let my guard down into doing what really matters and get carried away. I failed anyway.

I really can't deny it, I am who I am. I'm not that smooth type of girl. I run into things, I trip, I spill food. I say stupid things... I really don't have it all together. I'm like most girls, I hate failing. But what I hate more than failing is not having the courage to even try. Taking chances. It's true, though. Maybe that's what we all need to do. We don't need to see the whole staircase. Sometimes all we need to do is take the first step.



keep the faith
xoxox

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