Beauty Of Not Knowing

I went out of bed with my pair of socks on. It has always been my habit since... I can't quite remember when, maybe not less than the 3rd grade. I brought my blanket with me, carrying it on my hips as if it was the train on a wedding dress. Then it popped inside my head. Has it always been my dream, though? To get married? Being legally confined with a person and trying to give my whole life and devotion? I guess I have always had something else in mind when it comes to marriage. The cause and effect of my parents' divorce, you might ask? Maybe. Maybe ever since I was little I have never had the perfect picture of two different genders living together in harmony and that's why that is not what I had in mind.

Different. It's always been different. People meet me and they assume I live some normal life, that is until they get to know me and it's always the same thought, "Wow. I never would have thought you could have gone through that much. And at the age of 19? You've experienced what others would take a lifetime to learn, and you learned it before you even reached half the lifetime of a normal person." Normal. As if I have lived one normal day in my life. Everyone has a pattern, right? Growing up, college, marriage, death. Mine? I'm not sure if I have one. If everyone's life was a form of art, you could say mine is the abstract creation.

Life has been anything but certain. On the bright side, though, it's never out of balance. Take my love life, for example. Every heartbreaks made me stronger and a little bit smarter than I was before. 'Cause when I fall, I try not to give my all, so I got nothing to lose as a whole. Although sometimes I thought about what will happen if we've never met, if I wouldn't have taken the chances, what if, what if. But you know what, living based on what ifs won't get you far. What ifs are endless.

Sometimes I thought to myself that it's better if I don't know. Little children are the happiest because they don't know a thing or two about life. They live a life of innocence, a happy life free from all worries. But when you know, you'll learn. You learn that life is an adventure. The beautiful thing about living life of an adventure? It comes back to the fact that I don't know what will happen next. The beauty in believing that even when it all gets rough and the situation is tough, what counts is the courage to make it through. So keep pushing through.



keep the faith
xoxox

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