"Regrets and mistakes, they were memories made..."

The moon shimmered through my window as the lights have dimmed 'cause of the late hours. I sunk myself into the deep pile of blanket and lay my head on my pillow, but my eyes can't seem to compromise and shut themselves; for the brain had so many things to think about. I've read before that the most effective time to think about things is just right before we go to sleep. No wonder I remember most of the things that I forgot a few hours ago when I was just half asleep. A mix of emotions and flustered mind didn't make it easier for me to rest and call it a day. The atmosphere was perfect to reflect on things before I end the night, safe to say that the weather and timing was just right.

"It's almost New Year's again. How far have I gone this year? What about next year," I thought to myself. If there's one thing I learned in October- is to be a lot more attentive and a little less careless or disorganized like the same old unguarded girl I've always been. Girl. I wonder if I really ever was a female. Funny how I realized how much things have changed, but when I look at it all again, everything is pretty much the same.

Wake up calls can come from anywhere, but one of the recent knock-on-the-head I've had is from a new gadget. I planned to give protection to it but since I procrastinate in doing so, even in less than 2 weeks, the scratches that result on the unprotected back of the gadget just showed me how impetuous I can become sometimes. When I asked for help to a professional to give it protection, she commented, "You just had it less than a month and this is how it turned out already?" Yes, I know. Don't have to rub it all in again. And also... My phone. I guess I've always been notorious for being incautious in keeping my stuffs. I spilt liquid on it, gave it quite a few bungee jumps and even got close to losing it a couple of times.

But I learned. I took it as a learning experience. That to be a better person, I can't be this negligent for the rest of my life. I thought that as long as it doesn't do nobody any harm, I'm doing it right. But I'm not doing a favor to myself. How can I take care of other things, let alone other human beings, if I don't really care about myself? I have to consider about other things also, especially if I'd want to share half of my daily life with another flawed being too.

I guess it's not how much we have changed in the past year, but the change itself is the thing that made it important. Change to become better. The smallest change to me is significant, one change can mean a lot, can take a toll in one's life. But baby steps are always better than no steps at all. That's just how human beings are, we have to make mistakes to realize just how much is lost and how wrong we've gone... But in the end, no regrets.

keep the faith

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