What A Girl Wants

"And I'm thanking you for being there for me..."

I've never felt such pain and pleasure at the same time. And the happiness inside, stirred me to keep on going. And even there's pain, a part of me always bears with it. Sometimes I just stare at him, realizing how happy it makes me just... Looking at him. With the fact that he's beside me. Out of any girls in the world, and he chose me. And sometimes, I know it might be the most random thing... But I can't help touching his arm. Out of the blue. Just for no reason. I happen to enjoy sinking myself into the beauty of his presence. And then the sadness cover me all of the sudden, without a warning, knowing that this could be gone in a blink of an eye. So, I looked at him again. Knowing how blessed I am. To have reached this level of happiness in my life that I don't think was even possible. I guess people were right. That the best relationships are those that happened without any expectation. I never planned to fall this deep. Or to love someone this much. Love is like a quicksand, I guess. No matter how you try to run away, something sucks you deeper and made you stay.

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Waking Up

Every time I read a book, or a Tweet, or a quote, or a post and I somehow felt connected to it, or it triggered something within me, I felt a spark on the inside, somehow I felt like I'm not alone. Maybe that's why we read... Or ReTweet... Or repost things... Cause we're glad to know that we're not alone. And every time I write and people told me that they know how I feel... Or they go through what I went through, it still surprises me... That someone actually... Could possibly know what it feels like. And that's where my mind wanders off... And I kinda go blank. Just give an awkward smile, something people might think as being rude, or being not friendly, but it was just a surprise to me, really. That anyone would actually compliment on my writing. On my beauty. On me. That someone would actually notice someone like me.

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I love just how his eyes light up when he talks about music. And maybe that's what caught my heart for the first time. I used to be a skeptic. Someone who doesn't believe in the experience of a live concert. But he changed that. He doesn't only changed me in a musical perspective, but emotionally and physically as well. Although sometimes there's a side to him that made me go, "Who are you and what have you done to him?" He saved me from myself. And as much as I don't want him in my life, he has taken so much space of me. Even when I have standards in life and maybe he can't come close to what I've pledged myself earlier in life, but he's an exception. Isn't it scary when someone walks in and just turned everything you believed in upside down? Or even more terrifying, that all that can change in an even much faster timing? But true love can't be measured by how much someone has done to you or how much they changed you. You know what is the only one thing that could measure true love? Time. That even though everything changes, how the person is, what the person does, that they kept fighting for you; that they never doubt their first choice of making you their only one. That's the true test of true love.

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"...everybody hurts"

Everyone goes through some kind of struggle. Nobody is 'off the hook.' Everyone deals with their inner demons and go through life everyday; smiling like they don't feel a thing. Everyone is fake in some ways, for they wore a mask that they themselves can only see. Everybody hurts. Everybody goes through what you go through, in a different way. Everybody fools. For they can't show others what really goes on inside of them. There's a dark side to everyone, some are better at hiding them than others. Maybe that's why even the people who know you the most can seem like the biggest stranger to you. Because sometimes us ourselves surprise us. There are just things that happened in life that are impossible to erase, people who are impossible to replace, that everything left a trace. I still can never understand how our brain works... It remembers things we want to forget, it forgets things we try so hard to remember. At the end, people don't want anything in life but to be happy. And as dark as the cloud may be, I just wished the sun would shine on me.

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Drifting Apart

Just saw the movie Perahu Kertas at the cinema. And for the record, I am not a professional movie reviewer, nowhere near that category. I write what I like and what I dislike, nothing for the sake of promoting anything, just little ol' me trying to do what I love. The movie is very slow paced, assuming the effort they're giving so it won't leave room for mistakes in bringing the book to life. Making a good book is one thing, making a good movie from a good book is another thing. The beauty of the movie is how it shows really distinctive characters in details, a good movie always explain each role as if we can personally connect to them. This movie did it well. It's not perfect, I mean, if you pay attention to details, it could still have been better. But I wouldn't say that it's a failed attempt either. The combination of good lighting and soundtrack sets the whole mood for the movie. A surprising cameo came from Hanung Bramantyo himself, something Stan Lee would pull off in his movies too. The story itself is a little Twilight-ish, how the love-triangle (or square, exactly?) began to surface and became one of the conflicts. The placement of the conflicts is very well put. It doesn't seem "forced" but rather very natural, a scenario that everyone can relate to. About trying to put aside dreams and reality, don't we need a little slap in the face on this one? The movie opened my mind in a way. How often we chase the wrong things in life, the things that once felt right. But as time goes by, you began to wonder if it really was meant for you, if it was really just a dream you're living in. Isn't it scary how feelings just change, but even scarier when you realize that some feelings you thought were gone actually remained the same? Every time I see someone with kids, or a husband; just alongside a very loving, caring family, I feel envious. I mean, will I ever reach the stage of having that in my life? I mean, how can you just meet someone and your feelings just change, just like that? As if what you have in the past didn't count anymore. Life's always give and take, sometimes it takes brutally. The movie is about moving on, falling in love again, drifting apart and falling all over again. Isn't it just a grueling cycle to be in? Time hurts, heal and probably time is the only answer to each question jumbling up inside our heads. Because sometimes you think it's the ending, but it's not. Just like how this movie has a sequel.

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Standing Tall

I used to be terrified... Of losing you. Now? Not so much. I just have to remember my capacity, just how much love I would give, just how much I would sacrifice for someone, just how big my heart is even when it's torn apart so many times. So now, I'm not scared to lose you. I know even through the struggle, through the pain, I will survive. No matter how hard it is, I promised myself, I will survive.

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The Girl

Recent Song On Play: Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran

Let me be the girl you fall for a little bit more every single day. Let me be the girl you can show your true colors to. Let me be the girl you can tell your dreams and deepest secrets. I wanna be the girl you never thought could ever existed. Let me be the girl you think about even when other girls are around. Let me be the girl that makes you feel like the luckiest man alive. The one girl that makes you a true man. The one who makes you wonder why other guys could miss out on. Just the one who makes you realize how truly blessed to even come across with, let alone make her fall in love. So cherish her, embrace her and give her your world when you found her. Because she has trusted you enough with something she knows you can break; her heart.

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Thought at Dawn

I don't know about guys, but girls have a tendency of comparing themselves to other girls, which won't only make us think bad about ourselves, but also feel bad about ourselves. The thing is, no matter how good a girl can actually do something, or no matter how she looks like on the outside; sometimes girls think less worthy of themselves. Is it me or do you understand how it feels too? Even when girls receive compliments, most of them would feel awkward to accept them or maybe deny it, it's just in our nature to be ignorant about what other people can see in us because frankly, sometimes we can't see it in ourselves. But the funny thing is, everyone is created differently-- how we look like, how we see things, what we're good at, differences complete us. That is why-- although girls will need a little more effort than guys-- we shouldn't compare ourselves to different types of people. Nobody 's perfect, so let's keep it that way. Just because we don't have what they have, or if we can't do what they can do, we really shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. Besides, you'll never know what other people really go through; the stress and the struggle. You might think their lives are so perfect, but you barely have any idea what really goes on. Everyone is gifted in different areas, just to show that our Creator has a bigger plan for all of us. Even when we can't see the beauty in ourselves, just like a butterfly-- no one can see the beauty of its wings but other people. So feel good about yourself, you are wonderfully made.

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Better Days

No one is a fan of growing old, I guess why it terrifies me so much is because it may actually result to even a much harder situation at some point; of saying goodbye. At the age of 20, I am blessed to witness a lot of changes, opportunities & experiences in my life. I have always depend on my own independence, that happiness is a lot easier to be created by myself. One thing that I learn this year is that if I wanna go fast, I can go there alone-- but if I wanna reach my destination or even further, I have to go together. After all, we're all social creatures, we need other people as well, no matter how good you do it alone, at some point in life, you will need help. A very easy example is to see life as running on a track. If you run alone, you'll run fast. But if at some point you fall, you have no one to pick you up. That's why if you plan to go further, don't let go the people who have always been there for you, your family, the real friends and all people who have always believed in you. I am not a person who goes to the most hip hang out places, neither am I a person of a lot of friends. But what matters is that people around me are the most supportive human beings, and to me that's more than enough. So it really is a blessing to be surrounded by such outstanding people, to learn from beautiful minds. Cause you can be at the top, but it can be a very lonely place as well. And what is riches, what is fame; when you don't even feel the same? When there's nothing that you lack, but you don't know the person looking back. Lost the person who sees you through, even the lights can be blinding too.

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"When destiny calls you, you must be strong..."

If you had a chance to change your fate, would you? 


Been a while since I did a movie review. Also been a while since I watched a good Disney authentic creation. Disney's cartoon is more than just drawings, it's a masterpiece. That's why it's almost legendary... Toy Story, Tarzan, Lion King, you name it. But as technology grew, human adjusted very well to it, that's why I think kids mature faster than they're supposed to, don't you think? Cartoons are getting even more complicated, I mean, if you're a 5 year-old, I don't think you'll get the moral of UP like a 20 year-old would receive. All in all, Disney never fails. 


When I saw the trailer of this movie, I thought to myself that it wasn't interesting, at all. But I was proven wrong. Trailers can be tricky, they can make us underrate the movie, or it can make us expect too much. This is one of those movies you'll want to watch with your whole family, cousins, little sisters and brothers, or as I call it, the 'get-together' movie. 


What I like about Disney is that it's always catching up to what's new or what is the recent issue, they have a way of putting it into the movie. For instance, when news came swirling that princesses have always been white, Disney rise to the challenge and make an African-American princess in The Princess and The Frog. With weight issues that even girls at an early age have been dealing with, Brave told the story about a princess that weighed just about how much an average teenage girl should weigh. She is a little chubby and had a curvy body, but still is beautiful regardless. 


The movie's setting is the medieval era, taken place at a Scottish kingdom, it still gives this magical, 'fairytale' feel that any children (or adults... Don't worry) can relate to. I think this movie gives children hope and make them dream, which is good. Kids need that, they need to believe in something. The soundtrack is very Disney, and by that, I mean it as a compliment. Come on, it's Disney, do I really have to name the classic songs that were born from its movies? 


It's a movie that makes you smile. You wanna know why? Because you can relate to it. It tells us about how we are our own master of our destiny. And even though destiny is written for us, before us, every little chances that we take, every mistakes that we make, at the end of the day, we are where we're meant to be. Things will fall into where they're supposed to be.

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"...alive but barely breathing"


Just in case you're wondering why I haven't blogged in a while, it's because there's so many things in my mind that I can't even pour it out one by one on a post, I might have to make a new blog for all of my thoughts. Everyone has gone through those days where they feel a mixed up emotion that they can't describe. It's angst and excitement and disappointment, all wrapped into one. So that's exactly why I put the title as "Alive but Barely Breathing," it's because my blog is still very much active, I just don't know how to put it into words one by one. Nowadays every time I write, I write and just save it, just to pour my heart out and not share it to the world. Some of them are too honest and sincere that it scares me sometimes, like how you feel when you're about to confess the truth to someone, something that bothers you for a while... But then you just kept it to yourself, because you know that truth hurts too. And if it's someone you love, even if it's the truth- the cold hard truth- will you still tell them; fully realizing that it can hurt them? I don't wanna risk it, but I don't think I can bear the strain of keeping it to myself anymore.

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Pain

Pain is good. Pain is an indication that you're alive. Pain causes you to grow. The finest gold needs to go through fire again and again. Even the most beautiful flower go through a lot of rain. Pain makes you more mature. It makes you understand other people better. It's a way of learning things, but in a more cruel way, I suppose? But then again, you learn more from pain than from pleasure, don't you? That's why we remember other people's mistakes more than their good deeds. Why? Simply because you learn from pain. You learn from being let down, loss, cheating, betrayal and disappointments. Don't let pain get the best of you, but let it bring out the best in you. The simplest way to be happy is to stay away from people who make you unhappy. But that's almost impossible, right? Because most people who make you unhappy are the ones you love and care about the most.

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I wish love was like a volleyball. When you say, "Mine," everyone would back off and the ball would be all yours. But it's not. Because love is like a basketball. Everyone's aiming for it. And if you don't know how to hold the ball well, others will steal it from you.

- Sarah Dessen

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Peace With Past


The present is the product of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.


To clean the wound is when we know just how much we’re injured. But isn’t it the most painful part, though; the healing part? I understand just how complex the past can be and it shows in our present lives. It’s so hard to risk of going to the same situation when it had caused you so much pain: to start over a relationship, to break-up with someone, to forget a loved one, being separated, to deal with losses or changes. Sometimes it’s a matter of ‘accepting’ or ‘adjusting’ with things because we have no other choice, isn’t it? Because no matter how hard we do or try or wish with all our might, it happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. The possibility is endless, if we talked about what could have, would have or should have happened.

Moving on—I figure—is easy. Distracting ourselves from what used to be an issue of the past is somehow easy if we’re busy, when our friends are around or when we have something to do at the moment. What’s hard is staying moved on. It’s those meaningful lyrics, one-strike-memories or those flashback-burns that really get to us. People change but your feelings remained. Forgiving is not an instant delete button, where everything will disappear by a single word— ‘sorry.’

Truth is, you had a past, something made you the way you are today. Some people might get it, some people don’t, but I can promise you that there will be a few that understand you and appreciate you for who you are. Pain changes people, you see. But the people who stay in your life will help you go through it. Appreciate these people. People go through hell every day, in their own levels, in their own definitions. Sometimes it gets a little worse before life can get better. Remember, when you’ve been thrown all the way down, the only way you can go left is up. Someone will love you, with all the flaws and cracks that torn you in the past, someone will actually think you’re beautiful. Take pain as the reason you’re a stronger person, pain does make a great teacher in life. Imagine playing a game and you’re playing on the same level until you’re finish, that game would have suck, wouldn’t it? No challenges, no nothing. Remember, you can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust the sail. You can’t change where life takes you, what life has in store for you, but you can always choose how you’re going to respond to it. If life was easy, it would’ve been boring. What’s hard is what makes it great. Make peace with your past, it will do wonders for your future. 


keep the faith
xoxox

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LDR (Longing, Desperation, Reckless)

Long distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough.

You can never really know what a person feels like, until you become the person to experience what it feels like. I always thought that distance is easy, that love knows no boundaries, not define by time nor space. I've been wrong before and I guess I'm wrong about it now.
Cheating can never be tolerated. My rule is simple: Things that you don't want your partner to know about is consider as cheating. Unfaithfulness is a sign of loss; loss of respect, loss of hope, loss of love. But when the person you love is just so far away, being occupied with life and so forth, even the communication isn't gonna help at all, is it? It's hard enough when two people are distant and still communicating, imagine how almost impossible it is to not communicate at all? And then some people slowly fill the gaps, causing you to fall into temptation, that's when your love is questioned and tested. It sucks, doesn't it? To see pictures of him with someone else, smiling; so happy with someone you barely knew. You don't know what he's feeling, thinking, doing at the moment. All there is in your head is a big question mark. You can only wish you were there with him right this moment. It is never easy, really... To not hold what is needed to be touch, to not cling on what is needed to be leaned on, to not see what is needed to be felt. Won't it just be endless? The wondering, the pondering, the hustle and bustle of being miles away from someone you desire to be next to you? But then again, wouldn't it be worth it though? All the time spent waiting, knowing that he's all you've ever wanted? It might not be silky smooth but then again if they're the one, you never stop trying. No matter how hard things get. Love does conquer all, even distance at its most difficult level, against the most painful of all devil.

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In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle...

Recent Song On Play: Shiver- Coldplay
"So you know how much I need you, but you never even see me, do you?"



Life is a jungle. Not a beach. And most definitely not a walk in the park. I was looking up in the sky at night, visualized my dreams and thought to myself, "Dreaming. It's never a map, just a big picture of how it's going to be." Imagine your parents sending you off to the jungle with no map or even a compass; just a picture of your destination. I, honestly, would have freaked the crap out. But that's how life is, you see. It’s a jungle because in each and every step that you take, you learn how to survive. And it’s in your blood, the strength and power to survive. These dreams, these goals you are meant to achieve, they’re like a picture you receive in the beginning of the journey. It’s not a map, just a picture of how your destination is going to be like. How do you survive? By learning how along the way. Think about it. No one really knows how to raise a baby, take care of a family, come to think of it, we didn't know how to do anything in life. We learn by seeing, hearing, we do it by living. We can never fully understand life because no one really knows how to really live. We can, only if we find something worth living, or even worth dying for.

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“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”

- Chief Tecumseh

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Puzzle, Maze & Labyrinth

Recent Song On Play: New Shoes- Paolo Nutini

You know the classic saying that goes, "Everything happens for a reason" right? I've always been a firm believer of that. I mean, it's crazy how life works itself out. The people you meet, the places you were taken to and all the experiences you get to deal with. Sometimes we don't get it, we feel lost or out of place, things that we just don't understand. Then there comes a time when we finally realize that everything falls perfectly together. Seaming itself into becoming a complete piece. Sometimes we just don't have to push it, just don't push our luck. Things can happen in the strangest, most absurd way that we can ever imagine. We'll meet the right people, at the right time, with the most unexplainable reason. Sometimes they're so surreal-- the things that happened to us-- that we think it's almost like a dream. Those moments will happen in life; things that you just don't wish to happen, things that you have to make happen. Everything in life is already planned, but the choices we make determine the end result. But I believe, everyday, every single day of our lives are written somewhere before; the people that passed you by, the songs you hear on the radio, the quotes you see on those big billboards; you were meant to go through all that. They will lead you a step closer to your dream. It's like this teeny tiny little piece of a big puzzle. Then you'll understand things better, bit by bit. Though you might find a bit of difficulty every now and then, but maybe that's a sign for you to go through other passages, some walls may narrow themselves as you go through, you just have to keep going. Some ways might drive you to make a U-turn, but don't worry about the setbacks as long as it's followed by your comeback. The thing about dreams are, you don’t have the map to get there, but there is a big picture of how it’s going to be.

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"We're Going Down... You Can See It Too"

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

You go back and forth. You see the rubble. In pieces. You've lost sight of who you love. You want to be saved but the person who can get you out is the one who burned down the building. You saw it all burning but you hold on without knowing it will destroy you. The things we crave the most, destroy us the quickest, don't they? As the air thickens, it gets harder for you to breathe. The memories, they are too precious to leave behind. But you can't picture yourself building a new home. Maybe a new house, but never the same home. I wish I was bold enough to leave. Build a new house. But with you, the thought lingers, I'm going down with the building. I can lose a house, but I never want to lose my home. And I never want to lose my home.

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You owe it to the people who hate you, who disrespect you and who put you down because they are the ones who have made you who you are today, for keeping your head up and not breaking down when they want you to.

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You. Just... You

Sometimes all I really want to do is sit beside you. I want to watch cheesy and crappy movies with you, and we will laugh at them together. I want to plan things with you, things we’ll never do, but for some reason just planning them with you is fine with me. I want to talk to you about everything and anything. I want to goof around with you and make jokes that aren’t funny but we’ll laugh nonetheless. I just want to fall in love with you over and over and maybe at one point we’ll get tired of each other, but we never let go. We never let go. If we do, we realize how bad life is without each other. But until then, I want you, and just you.

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You're Right... I Write

Write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified. Because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.
- Audre Lorde

Someone wrote "You need a counselor" on my Formspring today. I smiled. Thought about it for a while and thought, "Yeah, based on what I wrote on my blog mostly, I somehow look like a person that needs one." I'm flattered by the attention. Why do I call it attention, because opening the internet takes time. And to spare your time to write to me, even anonymously, call me crazy one way or another (it's not like I haven't been considered as one), I'd like to call it compassion. Deep compassion towards a stranger. And I appreciate that.

I write because I love to write. And the best feeling in the world is not when people say that I'm good at it or that they love my writing, but it's because I love to connect with other people through words. See the Qur'an, the Bible; everything is written as a guidance for religion. It's this divine bond to your soul. Words have the power to do that. That's why words have infinite power to lift you up. That's exactly why there's quotes, lyrics, because they are relatable. I'm sorry if what I write is inappropriate or it's not your cup of tea. But newsflash, people, this is not your blog but in fact this is mine. And I'm going to write whatever I want on it. You can tell me I'm bad or I suck or you hate every little bit of what I write, just don't tell me to stop writing.

Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends.

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Run For Your Life

Have you ever heard the sound of your own heartbeat? Has it ever pounded so hard that you can hear it without even trying to hear the sound? Isn't it a scary thing? To be alive? You roam around without knowing what tomorrow has in store for you just around the corner. To be at the edge, not sure if there's anything below. Then you look up, not sure what you're looking for either. You just need some sort of proof. Help. You need guidance. You have faith but you brought fear with you all along. In between. Falling or flying. Then you thought if you're better off not knowing. But you know you'll be stuck wondering. You crawl and then walk and finally run for your life.

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I really wonder why people suddenly change after they get what they wanted. One day they're sweet, the next day they're not. One day they're here, the next day they're not. One day you're important to them, the next day you're worthless. One day they love you, the next day they don't care about you. That's how ironic people can be. Just pretty lies. But it's still your choice. Because you choose to get hurt when you choose to be in love.

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If he misses you, he'll call just to hear your voice. If he wants you, he'll say it. If he cares, he'll show it. If he has a thought about you, it will come out of his mouth. If you are on his mind nonstop, he will do anything he can just to see you. If he truly likes you, he won't let anything get in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms. If not, he's not worth your time because you're obviously not worth his.

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We are all looking for answers. In medicine, in life, in everything. Sometimes the answers we were looking for were hiding just below the surface. Other times, we find answers we didn't realize we were asking a question. Sometimes, the answers can catch us completely by surprise. And sometimes, even when we find the answer we've been looking for, we're still left with a whole lot of questions.

- Grey's Anatomy

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We Need Someone

If it's a broken part, replace it. If it's a broken arm, embrace it. If it's a broken heart, then face it.
- Jason Mraz

You will come to realize that everyone in your life will hurt you. Whether the scars are long or short term, it depends on how important they are in your life. If there's enough room in your heart for the hurt, there's enough room for the love as well. Even if it's from a family member or a dear friend, there are people in your life who will always be there, to keep you going. The people you can count on the most and they are the ones that stay, no matter what happens between you and them. Some bonds are just too strong that not even age or distance can separate you. And sometimes you are so thankful that maybe without them or their support, you wouldn't be here by now. Here's to them. Who never looked down or doubt or grew tired of dealing with you. To the family members, beloved friends, or as I'd like to call them, soulmates. So don't worry if you've experienced loss in the past, look at the things you've got and you'll never have to feel alone anymore.

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Lights, Camera... Action!


I'm the kind of person who is pretty picky on so many aspects, boys, jobs, you name it. And I am more than blessed to say that I get so many opportunities that I never thought of. It's only the third month of 2012, but I'm still looking forward to the many more to come! Here are some of the photo works I've done recently.






This is totally different from any shoots I did in the past... This is when my ballet skills come in handy! (I love it when I have to jump around or tiptoe to make breathtaking pictures) The shoot was at a rooftop and so we're really counting on the wind to make the pictures work. Again, love the outfits. It's by my beautiful friend Catherine Soepadhi. (Click her name here!) Go check her collections.





Behind the scenes ;)
I love this picture... Look like I just landed from flying.

Every gigs that I do have its own ups and downs, and to me, the cool thing about photoshoots is that you can actually be a girly girl, do all the make-up and dressing-up that I don't get to do when I go out with my jeans and tee on a daily basis. The outfits that I did on the pictures below are actually really ethnic and casual, has a touch of feminine Batik flare to it. Love the ensemble.





Here's another boutique photoshoot that I did with Miss Patricia Gunawan. Been a while since our last meeting. I forgot that we've even met before. Me and my short-term memory sometimes. Loving the playful dresses and wearable tops, jeans and accessories. One thing that made my day sour is that I rip my contacts before the shoot. So I can't see clearly the whole day, which made everything seem blurry. But it's clear now that the pictures turned out quite swell!







If you know my blog, then I know you can tell that this is so much different than the posts I've done in the past. Well 2012 is definitely about changes. Speaking of changes! I'm changing all my names into NADJ. It's pronounced as 'naszh.' If you know the word 'mirage,' then the 'DJ' at the back of 'NADJ' is pronounced exactly as the 'age' in 'mirage.' Sorry to confuse you. But I'm all about the changes this year. Let's hope this year's changes turn out to be a good one. Fingers crossed!:3


keep the faith
xoxox

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I don't like to blame it on any other people why I'm like this, but truth is, he's the reason I messed up. The reason I probably can't get myself into another relationship, no matter how hard I try, no matter how bad I want to. I'm scared. Scared of hurting anyone else. I feel bad for whoever guys that will come to my life because I know... That I could never love anyone the way I've loved him.

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Complicated and Underrated

"I just need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever"
- Juno

People told me that no matter how well I live on my own, there comes a point where I'll need a partner in my life. Some people like me find happiness in loneliness, but happiness is only real when it's shared. I've always been one of those skeptic that doesn't believe in marriages, long term companionship and such. My friend told me he can't find a reason why you should stick with someone who doesn't make you happy while you can be happy by yourself all the time. I totally get it. I mean, what's there to believe? When everyday I find people waking up and changing their minds; realizing that they're not really in love with the person they're with now. I've always thought of how complicated it is, to deny what you feel and believe in what you're thinking. Separation, unfaithfulness, so much drama in life with two when you can just peacefully and happily cook some dinner for one. Less energy drain, less emotion consuming, less complication.

I'm jealous. Not of passionate young love that most kids throw around these days. But of old people living in harmony and I guess no matter how hard I try to believe that you can grow old with someone, there's going to be a little part of me that thinks being alone means being free from hurt. You have something to lose only when you know you have something in your grasp, there's nothing to lose when you have nothing in your hands. But deep inside, the same brain that denies love's existence, it also thinks that it's nice waking up to your best friend, living your day and have sleepovers with the person you'd share your dreams with. Despite everyone's different definition of independence, I guess it's always nice to have someone you can always count on. I guess everyone knows that love is complicated, but many people also think love is underrated. They give love less credit than it deserve. You're moved to do things you're passionate about because you love it. You're heading towards your dreams because for once, you're actually doing something that you love. Love is real when it's shared, that applies to life as well. Life will be more lively when you share it. So share it with someone worth sharing, you won't be around forever, trust me.

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Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you've never seen, they'll look at you like you're everything they've been looking for their entire lives.
Wait for it.

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So I'm going out there. And I'm going to do the best I can. People are going to get in my way. Things are going to bring me down. But I'm going to keep going. I'm going to reach as far as I can, for everything I've ever wanted. And I'm not giving up. Because that's what you do when your dreams are more important than your fears. You go out there and ignore the odds. You focus on one thing, that your dreams come true.

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Recent Song On Play: In Your Atmosphere (Live in LA)- John Mayer

Movies are made as an escape of reality, a chance to make your own scenarios about life, but more than just a make believe. Someone even said that movies are the only reason why we believe in love. Maybe. Or maybe not. We can never know for sure. Love is one of the things in life we can never be sure of.

I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason.

- Hugo Cabret, HUGO.

Hugo is probably one of the movies you have to see this year, next to One Day, Ides Of March, Safe House, Dream House and wow... There's so many good movies this year, can't wait to get more where that came from! Hugo, despite the front poster and everything you've seen in the trailer, is definitely not a movie for kids. It's a very serious and long movie, not something kids under 15 would easily understand. The setting and soundtrack of the movie are such perfection, the cast was also just the right proportion. It is merely about an orphan that truly believed that he's worth more than just a repairman, because he truly believes that even though his life might seemed like it's going down; after his father's death and losing his chance of continuing education, he worked with what he have. A broken robot-like machine that was inherited by his deceased father and it made Hugo felt determined to fix it, but little did he know that he was actually meant for a much bigger purpose. Can't really spoil the whole movie, it's such a pleasant experience to witness an uplifting and positive movie by yourself. Haven't seen one of these in a while.

The past might make you who you are now, but it really is your choice if that's all you will ever want to be. It's about believing what you want to achieve, knowing your worth and giving yourself another shot even when life doesn't offer you a lot.

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I don't want a fairytale ending with you. I want to be there to help you face your fears and to help you overcome your failures. I want to give you the kind of love that's not distorted and fabricated, but real, raw and honest. You're not perfect and neither am I. But when we're together, I can believe that things will always fall into place. So please don't go.

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The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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a man's pledge to his lady:

i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.


(via tumblr)

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I may still not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do want to live in a house filled with books and travel souvenirs. I haven't decided where I want to settle yet, but it's a big possibility that it will be New York. Or Italy. Or maybe my hometown. The walls that aren't covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave the house, I will be going to a job I love and I'll return to a person I love. That's the dream I'm working on.

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Forgiveness is never easy. Bitterness is easy. Hatred is easy. But forgiveness, that is a tough one. Sometimes people say things they don't mean or do things they can't take back. Sometimes we do things we can't take back. We're all afraid of something. I was afraid. But in the face of great despair, I had an epiphany... What I have done is who I am. But what I have done is not who I will be.

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You don't get to choose, you just fall in love. And you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it, 'cause the reason why it's so confusing is because it's love. And if love didn't have any challenges, what would be the point? It's about learning to love someone, just as much as you love yourself. Getting to know someone better so you can discover who you are along the way. Accepting their flaws so you realize that no one is perfect. Sacrificing for them so you won't be accustomed to being selfish. Giving each other faith to make their dreams into a reality. Filling in that empty gap so they can finally feel like a whole.

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Too Much Of Anything

Too much is never good. Of anything. Too much of a good thing leads to an addiction. Too much of a bad thing makes you a bitter person. Too much hate causes war. Too much love causes you trauma. Too much is never good. Maybe deep down I'm always trying because I know there's always someone out there, trying much harder than I am, in whatever cases. I can't let something slip away if it wasn't something I don't want to let go of. Maybe the thing with being too much is because you think less of yourself. That you don't realize you're actually better than you think you are. That you deserve better. That even when you're a train wreck or even if you have really old-school taste, when you don't hang out with the cool kids or walks at your own pace, someone would think you're enough. And I know people try so hard sometimes, trying to be more... But you have to know when is enough. What is enough. Who is enough.

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I think you could fall in love with someone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around visibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night. Or singing in the shower. Or humming quietly to themselves as they're doing their work or just walking along the street. And if they were really weird and had no friends in school, I think... After seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn't be able to help but fall more in love with them.

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Why I'm Terrified

It's so hard to trust. I figure that trust is such an unbelievably hard thing to do in life. People come for me when they want me, or when they needed something from me. And maybe that's why I have trust issues. I have a hard time figuring if someone really wants to be in my life, or because they want to be in my life for their own advantage. I figure everyone is in it for themselves, no one really cares about you. All they have to care about is what matters to them, what will be useful for their own sake. It's a horrible feeling. Every time someone is nice to me and I thought to myself, "What do you want this time?" And it turns out to be true, they ended up wanting something in the end. If they feel like they don't need me anymore, when I'm useless and just doesn't do anything beneficial for them, they just... Throw me away. Like it's endless, this give-and-take thing. So it's hard to believe someone when they say that they sincerely love me, they sincerely want to be a part of me. Why can't love ever touch my heart like fear does?

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Have you ever read something that killed you inside? Like a text message or someone's status. Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something you didn't want to read. Or found out something you were better off not knowing. It's almost as if it was posted just to purposely hurt you. But you constantly read it over and over again to torture yourself. It sucks how one little thing can ruin your whole day.

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If I Ever Cause You Trouble

Sometimes I wonder why some people are so guarded all the time. Like they're so afraid of falling in love. Maybe they have trouble opening up because they don't want to end up getting hurt. I mean, who does, right? Too much knowledge sometimes make you a little more insecure. For instance, little kids who knew so little can dream so much, that's because they haven't had a clue about how painful reality really is. As reality and experience grew, people become tougher. Smarter. Stronger. It's hard for smart people to get a partner, because they've known and experienced so much. It's a challenge for anyone to be at the same level as them. I've even read an article about a divorcee who became a successful businesswoman after a not-so-victorious marriage with her ex-hubby and when asked why she's not seeing anymore man to accompany her in the future, she simply replied, "I've seen enough." I guess people are always that way, they run to their careers and goals in life whenever their relationship turn sour. It's an escape somehow. And in a way, it makes you motivated, but I guess it's almost like working when you're high, you're just a little bit unconscious. You're sort of numb. And when you can feel again, you're a little more hurt than before. The term of satisfaction is temporary, and then you're back to your lonely self again. I read a quote that says, "When you have to choose between love and career, always choose your career. Because your job won't wake up one morning and decide to leave you." It's a little sad in a way. But I guess everyone has their own definition of happiness. Although truth is, your career won't take care of you when you're old and ill and dying. Love will.

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Achieve What You Believe

I know some people are born with at least one talent. Talents are what make a person worthy of something. So it's no excuse thinking that someone is unworthy, because someone may not be good at everything, but everyone is good at something. Passion are interests that make a person feel eager to do something. Inner enthusiasm. What drives you to your dream. Dreams are what make a person alive. Purposes. To live with a dream is better than to live with abundance under forced professions.

Me? I dream it big time! I know it's probably a long shot, but I see myself doing a talk-show just like Oprah. The thing about Oprah is that-- she knows what the audience want to know. And what is that, you may ask? The audience want to know that they're not alone. That's why she asks the right questions to these amazing people, from citizens with extraordinary talents to top notch celebrities worldwide. The audience is always attracted to other people's drama, problems, issues, everything. Oprah's job? Feed their sympathy. She had some setbacks in the past but look where she is today. I know it's cliche but you don't know just how much a person's life can change in a matter of months, weeks, hours, minutes!

Chances are endless and opportunities are limitless. All you have to do is be prepared for it.

So, what are you passionate about? :)


...hang in there!
keep the faith
xoxox

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How I Met Your Mother

Steward : All of these things make me realized. I miss being single.
I miss staying out late. Making messes, and not cleaning up the mop.
I miss... Porn!

Marshall : Dude, who doesn't?

Steward : I assume when I see a super hot model chick out there...
Why am I with Claudia? I could be with her!

Ted : Haha! Dude that is crazy!

(Awkward stare)

Ted : Uhm I mean...

Steward : No, no, the point is I wanna get married.
I wanna settle down, but right now? That is just not who I am.
I'm not a commitment guy, I'm a single guy.

Ted : Steward, you don't have to be the one or the other.
Everybody feels this way sometimes.
Relationships aren't easy and need a hard work. It's about compromise.
Grow together... Though I bet you feel crap.

Steward : How do you know? You aren't even married.

Ted : Okay, ask this guy. 9 years he's been with Lily.
He's the pro. This guy knows relationships. Tell 'em, Marshall!

Marshall : Steward... Don't get married.

Ted : DUDE?!?!?!

Steward : ...what?!

Marshall : I'm sorry...
Being a couple is hard and committing makes me sacrifice... It's hard.
But if it's the person, then it's easy; looking at that girl
and knowing she's really the one you've ever wanted,
it's the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that,
then she's not the one.


:')

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When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body, but not your heart. That's why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

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(Don't) Be Afraid To Fall

Valentine's Day. It's more of a day to remind all of you to splurge money on cards and chocolates. I'm one of those people who never make a big fuss out of Valentine's, I think of it as an ordinary day like any other. I mean, it's not even public holiday, what is there to celebrate? But then, last year changed my view on that. Maybe in this scrutinizing life we live, we need to be reminded that you are loved and you also need to remind someone that you love them. It's like birthdays. Who needs a reminder that you're growing old? But then again, I came to realize it's a reminder. That you're alive. To this day. And isn't that something great to celebrate about? Just like Valentine's, it's also a reminder that love is a grand thing. Love is to be celebrated every day of your life, but there's no harm in making a day feel extra extra special.

Maybe it's all lies. How people said that they don't want the cards and stuffed animals and being treated as sweet as possible. But maybe it is true that they don't want to be treated that way for just one day. Maybe you should buy someone flowers just because you want to let them know how special every day with them are. And I don't always mean a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, it can be your parents, your best friend. Remind them how grateful you are to have them in your life and how much you love them. Valentine doesn't have to be fine dining and all, maybe it's just something special such as a little note hung on the refrigerator, or a little text message to express how much you love them. Simple things leave memories that are hardest to erase. No moment is ever perfect, it's you who create the perfect moment. Now go remind someone you love them.

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Get To Know You

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO FRANS, MY DAD, ON HIS 58TH BIRTHDAY.

Funny how the person I could relate to the most is the one who is so distant from me. A hardworking, immature yet witty man, the person I call my Dad. There's not much I can say about this guy, since I don't really know him in real life. Having to live with two different parents every now and then is not really a walk in the park. But there's always a little part of him I carry with me wherever. Isn't it weird how people spend time looking for money and when you've had the money, you come searching for time? I miss my father, that's all. It's useless having to wish if I could have life any other way. My life works this way for a purpose. There's a lot you lack and a lot you miss in my growth, Dad, but I love you regardless.

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Lost, Help & Love

I've lost a little piece of me and found myself whole with you. It scares me. The thought of maybe I'm too weird for you. Maybe I'm just too much to handle. Maybe someday you'll forget... And move on. But by then, maybe, maybe, I'm still here. Lingering. In your presence that was absent. Missing the person I shouldn't miss, thinking about the person I shouldn't think about, dreaming of someone I shouldn't be dreaming of. I am just one of the same beings. Looking for another beautifully crafted being. A being so imperfectly made that they seem ever so perfect. Perfect because I don't have to try. Not trying too hard is easy for me. What's hard is winning your heart. Over and over. Trying to impress you... Every single day. To make you feel my love. And that's tiring. I don't think that's ever necessary. I just want you to want me. Maybe... Maybe that's enough for me. Funny how this destiny thing works, right? You were supposed to meet someone, think alike, get attracted to each other, and then fate put us in different lanes. Separated. When love is all you wanted. Love makes you feel alive and then love is the same reason you could be dying on the inside.

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I love you means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you- just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down- not just when you're fun to be with. 'I love you' means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them- asking that you'd not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough to not let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me.

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Go My Own Way

Have you ever wanted to stop living? Don't get me wrong into thinking I'm too emo on this one. I don't mean suicidal. Just to stop. Run away some place and start fresh. Like everything is not right anymore and you just want to be happy again. Your mind is so occupied that you don't know how to be unhappy. How to stop all the drama. Then you smile... Trying so hard to ease the pain. Happy, just in a sad way. We're all actors somehow. We know how to fake a smile. And only the true friends know when we really mean it or when we hide something. The thing is, we're always afraid of changes when we need it. Some changes cause goodbyes and we're just afraid to part. It gets harder though; goodbyes. But when it's time to part, you just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. Cry. Then go about the business of living. That's how it needs to be done. Not feeling sorry for yourself. Just believe you can do it on your own. Just go your own way.

I gotta leave, but I'll miss you.

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Happiness Lies From Within

I realized how long I write these days, here or my other blog (click here to get there!). I'll try to make it nice and simple this time. How was your first month in 2012? Mine was filled with a lot of good music, great food and still anywhere near the drama-free zone. You know how they say life isn't always about listening to what other people have to say. Pretty hard to develop this heartless attitude towards others, doesn't it? You know that there's some things that others won't approve of, but it hurts even more hearing it from someone you really expect full support. It probably still hurts because we still care. How can we not care so much? As much as we don't want to care what other people think, you still do.

Actions hurt, but there's no doubt that words have a large amount of power to bring us down too. We all know it's all in the mind, but it's hard even when you know how good you are deep down inside but the environment causes you to believe otherwise. What happens is torture towards the character and the soul dies slowly. I've been through the process and it was suffocating me little by little. My self-esteem dropped by a mile and I just wasn't eager to do anything in life. I was stuck in doing what I have to do, not what I love to do. But luckily, I got reminded of why I did it in the first place. The only failure that bound to happen is when we've given up. That's when the failure really takes place, when you don't fight for it anymore. The thing with what others say is, you can be the ripest apple up a tree and there's still going to be people who don't like apples. Happiness comes from doing what you love, no matter how many people think the opposite.

"Somebody needs what you have." I remember reading that and it really shook the coward out of me. You'll get to meet a few speed bumps, but that's just a sign for you to gas up afterwards. Remember, the greater the struggle, the greater the reward. Your environment shouldn't prevent you from being happy. Just believe in what you're doing and be happy about it. Everything else follows.

“You have to learn to follow your heart. You can’t let other people pressure you into being something that you’re not. If you want God’s favor in your life, you must be the person He made you to be, not the person your boss wants you to be, not even the person your parents or your husband wants you to be. You can’t let outside expectations keep you from following your own heart.”- Joel Osteen



keep the faith
XOXOX

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Reality Is Real

Everyone have those moments. When they doubt if it's the right thing or not. Where they feel a little out of place. And they feel like no one understands them. Where they don't feel in sync with everyone else. Pain caused us that much security of ourselves. We think love would be perfect but it won't. It's naive of us to think otherwise. Sometimes I wonder because it's not what I pictured in the first place. Sometimes I even feel numb. But real love is just that-- it's real. It's real pain. It's reality. So that sums up to the definition of true love. It's just that, too. It's true. Sometimes we don't dare to be honest to our feelings because the truth is too hard to swallow. Because you've heard the promises before. You've heard all the nonsense you've believed before. Everything-- was exactly the same. Even donkeys don't fall in the same hole twice and you're just being as careful and attentive so you won't make the same mistake twice. Because apologies don't always mean instant healing. You should remember that the most important thing is yourself. Sometimes you just don't have to think about what other people think or say about you. Or your relationship. Relationships are not about looking cute together or who looks better with who. It's ridiculous to listen to what they have to say because people can never know what you go through. They think they do, but they don't know how it feels like to be you. It's not like what you see in movies. Or what you read in those books. Because those things are made by humans. They're a way of escaping reality. But reality means pain. And pain is good sometimes. Pain means you're living. Living means you're growing. And sometimes you won't know if it's really love until it's over. But everything that is good, can be bad for you too. Because once something is taking a lot of your attention, then it's certainly taken a part of your life. Like raising pets for example. But it's a lot more than that, of course. Much more. You're worried because you simply don't want to end. You don't want it to end because if it ends, you're hurt. Love makes you vulnerable, doesn't it? Like the littlest things can cause the biggest fuss. It will cause you to struggle, and it will-- sooner or later-- make you feel like you've barely survived. But every seed has to die first, for the flower to flourish. Because lust doesn't mean love. Near doesn't mean close. Far doesn't always mean distant. New doesn't always mean exciting. Different doesn't always mean better. And putting up with the future doesn't mean you're ready for it. So is letting go. Moving on is not as easy as taking off the frames of the wall and packing them inside the boxes. Or as easy as getting rid of all the teddy bears, flowers and concert tickets that came along with it. At the end, you'll realize it's harder than you think. And the good memories-- the good ol' times are going to be easier to remember. Don't rely on sparks because they'll become bombs at the end-- and when it's gone, it's gone. It’s easy to take off all of your clothes and get naked. Some people do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams... That’s my definition of getting intimate. Maybe what sucked was because in the back of your mind, you had the perfect picture of how it's going to be. You wished that they've known what you've wanted. You wish that when you said you didn't want to go, they'd still wanted you to go. You wish that when you hung up, they'd call you. You wish that when you turn your back, they come chasing after you. There's never a guarantee if the person you're with will be there for the rest of your life. There is not, nor ever will there be, the perfect man or woman. It's you who can make love last for a lifetime. I know people keep asking if he or she is the one, but you'll never know. But what you know is that you intend to make him or her the only one. And that's enough. Then again, in the future, their actions may hurt you and maybe you question if it's worth it. But if it ends at some point, you're going to get hurt even more. It's going to hurt because it matters. It matters because when you began, you didn't think, you feel. You just jump right in. But when you look back, you'll realize that it gets better every time. Stronger, tougher, smarter. So don't worry if someone good missed out on your best, there's always someone better.

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Come To Pass, Come Too Fast

"All men fear death. It's a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven't loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away. You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have conquered before, you have conquered a great woman's heart. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task, for it takes insurmountable courage. But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness, you feel immortal."

The quote above was from a movie that had instantly slid to one of the top spot of my favorite movie list in 2012. I saw Midnight in Paris yesterday. Wanted to write a review the minute I walked out the cinema because I was in a major mind-blown state of shock. As if you can't fall in love with the endearing face of Owen Wilson and the chick-flick queen Rachel McAdams (Oh how can you not love The Notebook!), the movie was set to film in Paris. You would quickly fall head over heels for the city the minute the movie starts, it began with a set of breathtaking views from the City of Romance itself. If you've never been to Paris, it makes you feel like you wanted to book the next flight scheduled to depart-- and if you have, you would still want to book the next flight scheduled to depart. The movie wasn't at all heavy drama, but it's not considered as comedy either, it was a good balance of both. And the movie was about the life of a writer! How could I possibly fall in love with the movie any deeper?

Gil (Wilson) was a writer who came to Paris with fiancé, Inez (McAdams), for a trip with Inez's parents who happened to flew there for a business trip. They accidentally came across Frank-- who Inez had a crush on back in the days-- alongside his wife, who also visited Paris for a different purpose. Despite the chain of events that happened in Paris, Gil just wasn't into the whole going-out-and-having-fun. He was a little off from the rest of the group, so to speak. So he finds time to write his novel that he's been working on, and by chance, he 'time-travel' back to the early 20s when he met his idols such as Hemingway, Fitzgerald and even Picasso. That was when the story really began.

In his search for certainty of the future, he came to the past. As his passion for writing grew, his affection towards his fiancé, Inez, slowly faded away. Gil even found a new woman that he had fell for as he was having this back and forth trip to the past, her name was Adriana (Cotillard), who seemed to seek pleasure in being "the other woman" on plenty of other men's relationships. She was a real stunner, that's for sure and I guess what went wrong was because Gil had chosen what looked like an open option. The minute he chose the other woman, Adriana, is the minute where his chance to get back with Inez decreased by a mile. On the other hand, Inez wasn't really the good angel either. She showed interest towards Frank-- although they both were happily in love, or at least I thought that they were-- which made it much more complicated than I thought it was.

The cast itself was superb, Marion Cotillard, Léa Seydoux (who I recently saw in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and I personally think she will be an actress to be on the watch in future films), Kathy Bates and a special appearance by Adrien Brody. The movie taught me about doing things that you love and maybe looking through life every now and then on who should stay and who should go. Life, from the beginning, was never certain, so might as well just live with it and do what you love and everything will follow. Happiness, money, even love. Every goodbye is going to reward you with another hello.

"That's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying. Because life's a little unsatisfying."

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Treat your girl right, bro. Plain and simple.

I know it can be hard to please her sometimes, but it’s worth it in the end. Remember that she’s your happiness, your world. She should be the first person you talk to in the morning, and the last person you whisper “Good night” to. Unlike some of your bros, she’s going to be there for you when you’re the happiest, but more importantly, when you’re at your lowest. She’ll cook for you and care for you, so treat her like a queen. Girls are delicate creatures. Think before you say. Think before you act. They take every little mistake you make and multiply it by a thousand. So try not to mess up, aight? When you’re fighting, sometimes it’s better to put your relationship before your own pride. You’re not helping yourself by making her upset, bro. And never, ever, under any condition, let her go to sleep crying. She’ll resent you for it for the rest of your days. Don’t forget to make her feel special everyday. Open doors, go shopping with her. Hell, make dinner for her! The more you show her you love her, the more she’ll give you in return. Remember that an “I love you” via text is never as special as one in person. And show her off to your bros, don’t be ashamed of her. She’s never been ashamed of your dorky ass. Look, she doesn’t really need much in a relationship; she just wants to feel like she matters to you. That’s not asking for much, bro.
But if you haven’t learned a thing from reading this, remember this. Love her unconditionally, loyally, and keep her close. Love her with everything you’ve got: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because I swear, if you won’t treat your girl right, someone else definitely will.

(via Facebook)

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The Awakening

Recent Song On Play: I Won't Give Up- Jason Mraz
Sunday, 22 January 2012

Getting something is easier than keeping it. I learned that we have to be optimistic. In life, reality bites sometimes. You know that giving up means you forgot why you do it in the first place. Some things take a lot more effort because they worth that much more. Differences make us beautiful, because even the most melodious harmony are made up of various instruments. You try in life because you believe. I realized that some things won't always be like how you want it to be, deal with it and remember other things in life that went right. You're hurt because you finally sacrificed for something with value.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

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Even Love Fades Away

I bruise you. You bruise me. We both bruise so easily. Too easily.

Never fall in love? Then you never really lived. 'Cause you never experienced real pain to begin with. I started off ignorant. A little too careful of my fragile heart. And then I didn't know what happened, I kind of opened up. Little, by little. Then I realized I was kind of falling. Slowly... A little too slow that I didn't really feel significant changes, but surely, I was falling.
At first I didn't look forward to meeting you. But silly little heart of mine thought you deserve a chance. I used to be skeptical... About this love thing. I guess I let myself loose? Then it went a little out of control. I guess that's what happens when you let your guards down? I think this would be different, even after all the same things that occurred, but I wanted to believe otherwise.
I don't know what went wrong. I guess you got me in the palm of your hands. That's when we just stopped trying I guess. We don't bother seeing each other. Not as much as we used to. We usually Skype a lot. Now we barely even... Talk. It used to be... A lot of fun, to say the least?

Endings always come too fast. They come too fast. And they pass too slow.

I used to go out with you for the sake of going out with you. Now it's different. Now I look forward to seeing you. And all you used to say was that you wanted to see me... All the time. You used to be the one chasing after me. Now it's all different. I always ended up being the one who cares a little more. And maybe that's why I ended up getting hurt. Over and over. I tried telling you what I want. What I need from you. But it's like you just don't get it. I want to understand you. But I want to be understood as well. I felt it. I felt it all changing. The texts, they got much shorter. The meet-ups even got more brief. We just lost what we had at the first place. I used to be your priority. You would do everything for me. Now it almost felt like I have to beg and plead for your attention. I'm the one sleepless waiting for you to call. I'm the one tossing and turning missing you. Why? We used to talk nonstop. We wouldn't stop sending messages 'cause we just don't want to stop. Now we just... Stopped. It's an irony, really. How I see it all changing. How I can see the difference from time to time.
Sometimes I thought to myself that I deserve better treatment than this. I told myself that it's the last straw, but it's like I kept giving you chances, over and over and over. Every time I wanna end it, I ask myself again, "Do I really love him?" And my answer-- that's what made me stay. But I realized... I just have to love myself enough that I'm ready to walk away. I feel like I make the extra effort now.

It's a fine line between the darkness and the dawn.

I don't need to see you every day. I don't need to receive your texts every time. I don't need to hear the phone ringing from you all the time. But you need to know, I'm not a mind reader. I need to know that I'm on your mind, because honestly, you're always on mine. I just miss you, that's all.
What ever happened to "You're worth it?" What ever happened to that? What ever happened to "I promise I'll be there"? Were you just happy when you say all those things?
It's not called expectation, because I'm being realistic. I just want to be acknowledged. You had so much to offer when we first begun, and it's like now there's just none. I knew what it felt like to be your priority, and that faded away.
Don't love me if you're going to end up hurting me. I used to be so strong, now I cry so much, I don't even know what's wrong. It was bullshit after bullshit after bullshit, we just argue and it hurts me. Before you want or demand anything more, see just how much you own and how much you could have lost, then maybe you'll know how much you have in life. I feel like I'm dying inside. Little by little. I feel numb. I don't miss you, I don't think about you, I just stopped caring I guess. I realized how much I've cared and how unappreciated I felt. And then I realized that I just have to love myself enough to walk away. Just be done with you. I mean, I know I'm not perfect... But I love you, with all my heart, I do. I guess I'm not as tough. Or at least, I thought I was enough.

I love you. And that's all I know.

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