I think you could fall in love with someone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around visibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night. Or singing in the shower. Or humming quietly to themselves as they're doing their work or just walking along the street. And if they were really weird and had no friends in school, I think... After seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn't be able to help but fall more in love with them.

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Why I'm Terrified

It's so hard to trust. I figure that trust is such an unbelievably hard thing to do in life. People come for me when they want me, or when they needed something from me. And maybe that's why I have trust issues. I have a hard time figuring if someone really wants to be in my life, or because they want to be in my life for their own advantage. I figure everyone is in it for themselves, no one really cares about you. All they have to care about is what matters to them, what will be useful for their own sake. It's a horrible feeling. Every time someone is nice to me and I thought to myself, "What do you want this time?" And it turns out to be true, they ended up wanting something in the end. If they feel like they don't need me anymore, when I'm useless and just doesn't do anything beneficial for them, they just... Throw me away. Like it's endless, this give-and-take thing. So it's hard to believe someone when they say that they sincerely love me, they sincerely want to be a part of me. Why can't love ever touch my heart like fear does?

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Have you ever read something that killed you inside? Like a text message or someone's status. Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something you didn't want to read. Or found out something you were better off not knowing. It's almost as if it was posted just to purposely hurt you. But you constantly read it over and over again to torture yourself. It sucks how one little thing can ruin your whole day.

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If I Ever Cause You Trouble

Sometimes I wonder why some people are so guarded all the time. Like they're so afraid of falling in love. Maybe they have trouble opening up because they don't want to end up getting hurt. I mean, who does, right? Too much knowledge sometimes make you a little more insecure. For instance, little kids who knew so little can dream so much, that's because they haven't had a clue about how painful reality really is. As reality and experience grew, people become tougher. Smarter. Stronger. It's hard for smart people to get a partner, because they've known and experienced so much. It's a challenge for anyone to be at the same level as them. I've even read an article about a divorcee who became a successful businesswoman after a not-so-victorious marriage with her ex-hubby and when asked why she's not seeing anymore man to accompany her in the future, she simply replied, "I've seen enough." I guess people are always that way, they run to their careers and goals in life whenever their relationship turn sour. It's an escape somehow. And in a way, it makes you motivated, but I guess it's almost like working when you're high, you're just a little bit unconscious. You're sort of numb. And when you can feel again, you're a little more hurt than before. The term of satisfaction is temporary, and then you're back to your lonely self again. I read a quote that says, "When you have to choose between love and career, always choose your career. Because your job won't wake up one morning and decide to leave you." It's a little sad in a way. But I guess everyone has their own definition of happiness. Although truth is, your career won't take care of you when you're old and ill and dying. Love will.

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Achieve What You Believe

I know some people are born with at least one talent. Talents are what make a person worthy of something. So it's no excuse thinking that someone is unworthy, because someone may not be good at everything, but everyone is good at something. Passion are interests that make a person feel eager to do something. Inner enthusiasm. What drives you to your dream. Dreams are what make a person alive. Purposes. To live with a dream is better than to live with abundance under forced professions.

Me? I dream it big time! I know it's probably a long shot, but I see myself doing a talk-show just like Oprah. The thing about Oprah is that-- she knows what the audience want to know. And what is that, you may ask? The audience want to know that they're not alone. That's why she asks the right questions to these amazing people, from citizens with extraordinary talents to top notch celebrities worldwide. The audience is always attracted to other people's drama, problems, issues, everything. Oprah's job? Feed their sympathy. She had some setbacks in the past but look where she is today. I know it's cliche but you don't know just how much a person's life can change in a matter of months, weeks, hours, minutes!

Chances are endless and opportunities are limitless. All you have to do is be prepared for it.

So, what are you passionate about? :)


...hang in there!
keep the faith
xoxox

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How I Met Your Mother

Steward : All of these things make me realized. I miss being single.
I miss staying out late. Making messes, and not cleaning up the mop.
I miss... Porn!

Marshall : Dude, who doesn't?

Steward : I assume when I see a super hot model chick out there...
Why am I with Claudia? I could be with her!

Ted : Haha! Dude that is crazy!

(Awkward stare)

Ted : Uhm I mean...

Steward : No, no, the point is I wanna get married.
I wanna settle down, but right now? That is just not who I am.
I'm not a commitment guy, I'm a single guy.

Ted : Steward, you don't have to be the one or the other.
Everybody feels this way sometimes.
Relationships aren't easy and need a hard work. It's about compromise.
Grow together... Though I bet you feel crap.

Steward : How do you know? You aren't even married.

Ted : Okay, ask this guy. 9 years he's been with Lily.
He's the pro. This guy knows relationships. Tell 'em, Marshall!

Marshall : Steward... Don't get married.

Ted : DUDE?!?!?!

Steward : ...what?!

Marshall : I'm sorry...
Being a couple is hard and committing makes me sacrifice... It's hard.
But if it's the person, then it's easy; looking at that girl
and knowing she's really the one you've ever wanted,
it's the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that,
then she's not the one.


:')

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When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body, but not your heart. That's why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

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(Don't) Be Afraid To Fall

Valentine's Day. It's more of a day to remind all of you to splurge money on cards and chocolates. I'm one of those people who never make a big fuss out of Valentine's, I think of it as an ordinary day like any other. I mean, it's not even public holiday, what is there to celebrate? But then, last year changed my view on that. Maybe in this scrutinizing life we live, we need to be reminded that you are loved and you also need to remind someone that you love them. It's like birthdays. Who needs a reminder that you're growing old? But then again, I came to realize it's a reminder. That you're alive. To this day. And isn't that something great to celebrate about? Just like Valentine's, it's also a reminder that love is a grand thing. Love is to be celebrated every day of your life, but there's no harm in making a day feel extra extra special.

Maybe it's all lies. How people said that they don't want the cards and stuffed animals and being treated as sweet as possible. But maybe it is true that they don't want to be treated that way for just one day. Maybe you should buy someone flowers just because you want to let them know how special every day with them are. And I don't always mean a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, it can be your parents, your best friend. Remind them how grateful you are to have them in your life and how much you love them. Valentine doesn't have to be fine dining and all, maybe it's just something special such as a little note hung on the refrigerator, or a little text message to express how much you love them. Simple things leave memories that are hardest to erase. No moment is ever perfect, it's you who create the perfect moment. Now go remind someone you love them.

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Get To Know You

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO FRANS, MY DAD, ON HIS 58TH BIRTHDAY.

Funny how the person I could relate to the most is the one who is so distant from me. A hardworking, immature yet witty man, the person I call my Dad. There's not much I can say about this guy, since I don't really know him in real life. Having to live with two different parents every now and then is not really a walk in the park. But there's always a little part of him I carry with me wherever. Isn't it weird how people spend time looking for money and when you've had the money, you come searching for time? I miss my father, that's all. It's useless having to wish if I could have life any other way. My life works this way for a purpose. There's a lot you lack and a lot you miss in my growth, Dad, but I love you regardless.

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Lost, Help & Love

I've lost a little piece of me and found myself whole with you. It scares me. The thought of maybe I'm too weird for you. Maybe I'm just too much to handle. Maybe someday you'll forget... And move on. But by then, maybe, maybe, I'm still here. Lingering. In your presence that was absent. Missing the person I shouldn't miss, thinking about the person I shouldn't think about, dreaming of someone I shouldn't be dreaming of. I am just one of the same beings. Looking for another beautifully crafted being. A being so imperfectly made that they seem ever so perfect. Perfect because I don't have to try. Not trying too hard is easy for me. What's hard is winning your heart. Over and over. Trying to impress you... Every single day. To make you feel my love. And that's tiring. I don't think that's ever necessary. I just want you to want me. Maybe... Maybe that's enough for me. Funny how this destiny thing works, right? You were supposed to meet someone, think alike, get attracted to each other, and then fate put us in different lanes. Separated. When love is all you wanted. Love makes you feel alive and then love is the same reason you could be dying on the inside.

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I love you means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you- just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down- not just when you're fun to be with. 'I love you' means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them- asking that you'd not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough to not let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me.

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Go My Own Way

Have you ever wanted to stop living? Don't get me wrong into thinking I'm too emo on this one. I don't mean suicidal. Just to stop. Run away some place and start fresh. Like everything is not right anymore and you just want to be happy again. Your mind is so occupied that you don't know how to be unhappy. How to stop all the drama. Then you smile... Trying so hard to ease the pain. Happy, just in a sad way. We're all actors somehow. We know how to fake a smile. And only the true friends know when we really mean it or when we hide something. The thing is, we're always afraid of changes when we need it. Some changes cause goodbyes and we're just afraid to part. It gets harder though; goodbyes. But when it's time to part, you just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. Cry. Then go about the business of living. That's how it needs to be done. Not feeling sorry for yourself. Just believe you can do it on your own. Just go your own way.

I gotta leave, but I'll miss you.

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Happiness Lies From Within

I realized how long I write these days, here or my other blog (click here to get there!). I'll try to make it nice and simple this time. How was your first month in 2012? Mine was filled with a lot of good music, great food and still anywhere near the drama-free zone. You know how they say life isn't always about listening to what other people have to say. Pretty hard to develop this heartless attitude towards others, doesn't it? You know that there's some things that others won't approve of, but it hurts even more hearing it from someone you really expect full support. It probably still hurts because we still care. How can we not care so much? As much as we don't want to care what other people think, you still do.

Actions hurt, but there's no doubt that words have a large amount of power to bring us down too. We all know it's all in the mind, but it's hard even when you know how good you are deep down inside but the environment causes you to believe otherwise. What happens is torture towards the character and the soul dies slowly. I've been through the process and it was suffocating me little by little. My self-esteem dropped by a mile and I just wasn't eager to do anything in life. I was stuck in doing what I have to do, not what I love to do. But luckily, I got reminded of why I did it in the first place. The only failure that bound to happen is when we've given up. That's when the failure really takes place, when you don't fight for it anymore. The thing with what others say is, you can be the ripest apple up a tree and there's still going to be people who don't like apples. Happiness comes from doing what you love, no matter how many people think the opposite.

"Somebody needs what you have." I remember reading that and it really shook the coward out of me. You'll get to meet a few speed bumps, but that's just a sign for you to gas up afterwards. Remember, the greater the struggle, the greater the reward. Your environment shouldn't prevent you from being happy. Just believe in what you're doing and be happy about it. Everything else follows.

“You have to learn to follow your heart. You can’t let other people pressure you into being something that you’re not. If you want God’s favor in your life, you must be the person He made you to be, not the person your boss wants you to be, not even the person your parents or your husband wants you to be. You can’t let outside expectations keep you from following your own heart.”- Joel Osteen



keep the faith
XOXOX

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