Why I'm Terrified

It's so hard to trust. I figure that trust is such an unbelievably hard thing to do in life. People come for me when they want me, or when they needed something from me. And maybe that's why I have trust issues. I have a hard time figuring if someone really wants to be in my life, or because they want to be in my life for their own advantage. I figure everyone is in it for themselves, no one really cares about you. All they have to care about is what matters to them, what will be useful for their own sake. It's a horrible feeling. Every time someone is nice to me and I thought to myself, "What do you want this time?" And it turns out to be true, they ended up wanting something in the end. If they feel like they don't need me anymore, when I'm useless and just doesn't do anything beneficial for them, they just... Throw me away. Like it's endless, this give-and-take thing. So it's hard to believe someone when they say that they sincerely love me, they sincerely want to be a part of me. Why can't love ever touch my heart like fear does?

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