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What A Girl Wants

"And I'm thanking you for being there for me..."

I've never felt such pain and pleasure at the same time. And the happiness inside, stirred me to keep on going. And even there's pain, a part of me always bears with it. Sometimes I just stare at him, realizing how happy it makes me just... Looking at him. With the fact that he's beside me. Out of any girls in the world, and he chose me. And sometimes, I know it might be the most random thing... But I can't help touching his arm. Out of the blue. Just for no reason. I happen to enjoy sinking myself into the beauty of his presence. And then the sadness cover me all of the sudden, without a warning, knowing that this could be gone in a blink of an eye. So, I looked at him again. Knowing how blessed I am. To have reached this level of happiness in my life that I don't think was even possible. I guess people were right. That the best relationships are those that happened without any expectation. I never planned to fall this deep. Or to love someone this much. Love is like a quicksand, I guess. No matter how you try to run away, something sucks you deeper and made you stay.

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Waking Up

Every time I read a book, or a Tweet, or a quote, or a post and I somehow felt connected to it, or it triggered something within me, I felt a spark on the inside, somehow I felt like I'm not alone. Maybe that's why we read... Or ReTweet... Or repost things... Cause we're glad to know that we're not alone. And every time I write and people told me that they know how I feel... Or they go through what I went through, it still surprises me... That someone actually... Could possibly know what it feels like. And that's where my mind wanders off... And I kinda go blank. Just give an awkward smile, something people might think as being rude, or being not friendly, but it was just a surprise to me, really. That anyone would actually compliment on my writing. On my beauty. On me. That someone would actually notice someone like me.

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I love just how his eyes light up when he talks about music. And maybe that's what caught my heart for the first time. I used to be a skeptic. Someone who doesn't believe in the experience of a live concert. But he changed that. He doesn't only changed me in a musical perspective, but emotionally and physically as well. Although sometimes there's a side to him that made me go, "Who are you and what have you done to him?" He saved me from myself. And as much as I don't want him in my life, he has taken so much space of me. Even when I have standards in life and maybe he can't come close to what I've pledged myself earlier in life, but he's an exception. Isn't it scary when someone walks in and just turned everything you believed in upside down? Or even more terrifying, that all that can change in an even much faster timing? But true love can't be measured by how much someone has done to you or how much they changed you. You know what is the only one thing that could measure true love? Time. That even though everything changes, how the person is, what the person does, that they kept fighting for you; that they never doubt their first choice of making you their only one. That's the true test of true love.

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"...everybody hurts"

Everyone goes through some kind of struggle. Nobody is 'off the hook.' Everyone deals with their inner demons and go through life everyday; smiling like they don't feel a thing. Everyone is fake in some ways, for they wore a mask that they themselves can only see. Everybody hurts. Everybody goes through what you go through, in a different way. Everybody fools. For they can't show others what really goes on inside of them. There's a dark side to everyone, some are better at hiding them than others. Maybe that's why even the people who know you the most can seem like the biggest stranger to you. Because sometimes us ourselves surprise us. There are just things that happened in life that are impossible to erase, people who are impossible to replace, that everything left a trace. I still can never understand how our brain works... It remembers things we want to forget, it forgets things we try so hard to remember. At the end, people don't want anything in life but to be happy. And as dark as the cloud may be, I just wished the sun would shine on me.

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Drifting Apart

Just saw the movie Perahu Kertas at the cinema. And for the record, I am not a professional movie reviewer, nowhere near that category. I write what I like and what I dislike, nothing for the sake of promoting anything, just little ol' me trying to do what I love. The movie is very slow paced, assuming the effort they're giving so it won't leave room for mistakes in bringing the book to life. Making a good book is one thing, making a good movie from a good book is another thing. The beauty of the movie is how it shows really distinctive characters in details, a good movie always explain each role as if we can personally connect to them. This movie did it well. It's not perfect, I mean, if you pay attention to details, it could still have been better. But I wouldn't say that it's a failed attempt either. The combination of good lighting and soundtrack sets the whole mood for the movie. A surprising cameo came from Hanung Bramantyo himself, something Stan Lee would pull off in his movies too. The story itself is a little Twilight-ish, how the love-triangle (or square, exactly?) began to surface and became one of the conflicts. The placement of the conflicts is very well put. It doesn't seem "forced" but rather very natural, a scenario that everyone can relate to. About trying to put aside dreams and reality, don't we need a little slap in the face on this one? The movie opened my mind in a way. How often we chase the wrong things in life, the things that once felt right. But as time goes by, you began to wonder if it really was meant for you, if it was really just a dream you're living in. Isn't it scary how feelings just change, but even scarier when you realize that some feelings you thought were gone actually remained the same? Every time I see someone with kids, or a husband; just alongside a very loving, caring family, I feel envious. I mean, will I ever reach the stage of having that in my life? I mean, how can you just meet someone and your feelings just change, just like that? As if what you have in the past didn't count anymore. Life's always give and take, sometimes it takes brutally. The movie is about moving on, falling in love again, drifting apart and falling all over again. Isn't it just a grueling cycle to be in? Time hurts, heal and probably time is the only answer to each question jumbling up inside our heads. Because sometimes you think it's the ending, but it's not. Just like how this movie has a sequel.

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Standing Tall

I used to be terrified... Of losing you. Now? Not so much. I just have to remember my capacity, just how much love I would give, just how much I would sacrifice for someone, just how big my heart is even when it's torn apart so many times. So now, I'm not scared to lose you. I know even through the struggle, through the pain, I will survive. No matter how hard it is, I promised myself, I will survive.

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The Girl

Recent Song On Play: Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran

Let me be the girl you fall for a little bit more every single day. Let me be the girl you can show your true colors to. Let me be the girl you can tell your dreams and deepest secrets. I wanna be the girl you never thought could ever existed. Let me be the girl you think about even when other girls are around. Let me be the girl that makes you feel like the luckiest man alive. The one girl that makes you a true man. The one who makes you wonder why other guys could miss out on. Just the one who makes you realize how truly blessed to even come across with, let alone make her fall in love. So cherish her, embrace her and give her your world when you found her. Because she has trusted you enough with something she knows you can break; her heart.

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